Its Never Too Late
i want to ask you
two questions how many of you have ever
given up on something you
really wanted
radiance okay how many of you have ever
asked the question
why did this happen to me
you know throughout my career in media
i’ve contributed to cnn and
i write for the hollywood reporter but
how did i get there
my degree is in psychology i didn’t
study media in college
you know i’ve interviewed everyone from
oprah tyler perry kevin hart
every entertainer you can name but
how did i get there
it’s been a lot of glitz and glam but 10
years ago
i was going through a divorce
i was crying pretty much every day
ten years ago looks a lot different than
2020 right now
i have my two children life was
happening at the time they were
3 and 13 and i was wondering what is the
next phase of my life going to look like
why did this happen to me i did
everything right
why did this happen to me
what i want to talk about today is it’s
never
too late because in 2010 i thought it
was too late
i had my my life already mapped out in
my head how
everything was gonna go but we all know
setbacks come and it’s either gonna make
us or break us
so i’m just here to tell you for anyone
that may be thinking
oh it’s too late that is not
we’re gonna talk about your dreams which
is the first one but we’re also going to
talk into some key areas that many
people
give up on so the first one is your
dreams it’s never
too late for your dreams
some of you may have a dream to go to
school
go back to school maybe it’s to get fit
maybe it’s to be an entrepreneur many of
those dreams
three of all three of those have been
dreams of mine
in the past and right now i can say
i was where i received my undergraduate
degree many years ago
but i decided you know what i’m tired of
saying what i always wanted to do
because it’s never too late so as of
right now i’m a newly enrolled graduate
student i’m so excited about that
but 10 years ago again i said it’s too
late i have too much to do
and if you’re still here if you can hear
my the words that are coming out of my
mouth and if you are watching this
you are 100
able to reach your dreams as well
the first key that in order to reach in
your dreams is you have to remember
your dreams maybe you’ve gotten a bad
medical report
maybe life is happening maybe a loved
one passed away
maybe you’re managing a household right
now and it’s completely taken over your
life and your to-do list of what you
wanted to do
sometimes our dreams can get buried
under
issues setbacks and sometimes even low
self-esteem
but i’m here to tell you you have to
remember i remember those days
crying on the bed i had a decision
i can either keep crying one more day or
i can pick up my dreams while i left
them
and move on i had to remember my dreams
i had to pick up all those google
searches that i
that i had done i was always interested
in media
not gossip was never my thing but more
so inspirational media
media that encouraged educated empowered
i want to have fun with it but i wanted
to be impactful at the same time so i
dug up all of those
all that information and said how do you
let me stop crying today let me stop
singing the woe is me song and remember
my dreams
here are three steps to reaching your
dreams if you think your dreams are
you know somewhere in the file cabinet
somewhere in the notes section of your
phone
oh that’s what i want to do one day the
first thing you want to do is research
i want you to think about it what is
that one of the one things you really
want to do that you gave up on
let’s do research this is this is the
information
age everything that we need to find out
is within our fingertips
it’s important to get mentors it’s
important to take courses
they don’t necessarily have to be at a
university setting per se
but find out who’s really doing what it
is you said that you wanted
to do it could be a complete total
career change
mine was but do your research
and as you find these these mentors make
sure you’ve done
every ounce of research there is
possible before you can even ask them a
question to so
to show that you’re really serious about
this the next thing you want to do is
plan
now you have all of this research you
have the statistics
you know how much things cost you know
how much time
it may take some may move faster than
you
it’s okay you may move faster than
others
but plan out your dreams maybe it may
take a series of years maybe it may take
a series of weeks
but it’s important to plan out the time
that it takes
plan out removing people that may be a
hindrance to those and we’ll get to that
in a second
but it’s important to plan those dreams
i had to
when i was researching how do you start
an online magazine
now granted this was before social media
before anything that made it cool
to have anything online digital
the first major event that i requested
credentials to cover was the bet hip-hop
awards in 2007.
i figured out my own website this was
before words
wordpress or squarespace or anything
that makes having a website easy right
now
i had to figure it out so i figured it
out at the time yahoo
yahoo yahoo had this great template
where i can build my site and i had it
up and it looked
it looks like i was an official magazine
and so i reached out to bet i filled out
my paperwork i didn’t think they were
going to tell me no i said hey
why not me so i submitted it and hit
this
hit the submit button was like oh my god
what are they going to say and lo and
behold i got the email that says
congratulations i’m like oh my gosh
okay now what do i do now what
because again i’m figuring this thing
out i’m moving in confidence
right i’m showing up to do the work
i really don’t know what i’m doing but
i’m going to keep keep moving and learn
as i go
it’s important to know you don’t have to
have everything figured out before you
make a step
and when i got there i see the red
carpet at the time
this is when terrence j and roxy was
doing 106 in park it’s a tv show
um and i was like oh my gosh i’m really
here
i’m standing next to all these major
media outlets
they surely seem to know what they were
doing and i had my little
point-and-shoot camera i said you know
what i do too
right so i’m ready to ask all my
questions
to the talent that walked down and i i
pulled it off
and that just showed me and i made
relationships with the publicists that
represented them and some of the talent
and from year and year and year they
keep inviting me back to things
why it wasn’t because i just knew how to
do everything
right it’s because i was professional
i moved in excellence i planned it out
and i showed up
that takes us to number three we have to
execute
we have to do what we researched and
plan to do
now execution is not thinking about this
is what i want to do
the work is the work showing up is the
work
execution won’t be easy but it’s an
important
step to get to those dreams that we want
the next thing i want to talk about is
love
now you may be saying kim how are you
going to make that quick switch from
dreams to love
but i’m here to tell you they go hand in
hand
because who you choose to love can make
or break your dreams
it’s important to choose someone
that’s supportive right it’s important
before you even choose someone that you
know what love is
so let’s take a look at it love is a
series
of choices to be patient
kind unselfish enduring
we have to be that person ourselves
first
that may take some work sometimes
because of what we may have experienced
in the past
but guess what it’s not impossible we
can do it
it’s never too late some of you may be
saying kim okay i have
my dream job already my career is is
popping
i just don’t want i just want somebody
to be at home when i get there
right i want you to know it’s never too
late i stand here before you
in faith believe in the same thing that
it’s never too late
i stand here before you believe in that
dream for myself
because i know it doesn’t matter the
pain
from past experiences i’ve had
encountered
because i know it exists and we can’t
let anyone
take us off of it it’s never too late
now this is what love is not as i
mentioned as you
aspire and take those steps to your
dreams
it’s important to keep you know healthy
people around us
whether that’s friendships or
those you choose to be in a relationship
with
and it’s important that i talk about
toxic relationship
because that’s the relationship that i
was in
that led to my divorce because while i
was married
i could not pursue what i’m doing right
now
i wouldn’t have been on cnn and every
major red carpet if i hadn’t
gotten myself into a position to where i
could click um think clearly
so a toxic relationship looks like this
these are just three things there’s many
there’s at least definitely
scientifically there’s seven but we’re
just gonna go over three today
there’s humiliation
meaning when something
happens it should be their time
to cover you but just think about is
this a person
that wants to capitalize on that
opportunity to humiliate you
and sometimes this is a joke but it’s
really not funny because it really does
eat at you a little bit by a little bit
the second one is guilt guilt is
is their weapon say you’re pursuing your
dreams
wow you said it’s never too late for
that dream
and you made a huge accomplishment you
made a huge stride and you want to come
home and
and share that information with your
loved one
and they hit you with yeah well but
remember you messed this
up last week and just crushes it
instead of celebrating the win you
finally had
that’s toxic and the third one
many people don’t know is called
financial abuse
now if you’ve never heard of financial
abuse that’s when
a person basically manipulates you and
pretty much holds
a tight strain to all the money or if
you have all the money
they put you in a position to where they
use it all
and leaves you with very very very
little to pursue your dreams
now i don’t want to stay on this too
long but i want you to understand the
importance
and beware of these three things that
may try to steal
any of the things that you’ve said it’s
too late for
the next thing is your past it’s never
too late to heal
from your past like i said i want to
take you back
10 years ago crying on my bed
wondering how could i have made it
better
run it over in my head day and day and
date what could have
done better what’s wrong with me why
can’t i get it right because
growing up i had a healthy home
my parents always told me what i could
do you’re a winner
you know go out there and go for your
dreams
but then when you get with the wrong
person again it could be the person
you’re in a relationship with or a
friendship
or a family member those are the type of
things we have to heal from from our
past
whether that’s going to see a mental
health counselor
or whatever the work is we have to do
the work
to receive the thing that we said is
never too late for
the first thing you want to do to move
on from the past is we have to let it go
does it hurt to let it go yes
because sometimes it’s like they got
away with it
if you let them go oh but no
they move on to do what it is they want
to do but it frees you
up to receive everything that you’ve
been working so hard for
someone told me this story um and i may
not be getting it right because i’m
going to paraphrase because i get
stories wrong sometimes
but there’s this story
this person is doing an experiment in
the jungle
and there’s these monkeys and
they end up getting their hands caught
in a trap
right and what they were supposed to do
is their hands are caught in the trap
and when they put the hands in there
their hands were stuck on some coconuts
right so think of
just some bracelets around your hands
and you get your hands stuck in there
what do you think you need to do in
order to get free you can either stay
there
and just moving around with your fists
balled up just like my fist is balled up
now
but how do you get free you let go
that’s all they had to do was open their
hands and let go
to move on to do what it is they wanted
to do
so it’s important to let go to heal
sometimes it’s easier to say
easier to do to say than to do just let
that go
that goes back to maybe you need to talk
to someone to figure out
how to let that go
and the next thing obviously it takes us
back to the beginning is to focus
is to focus on your goals and go after
it now i want to talk
talk about some people that said you
know what it’s never too late
the first person is ava duvernay an
amazing
writer director she’s written some
amazing work on netflix
and she started out as a publicist she
didn’t pick up her first
camera into her mid-30s
now she could have said you know what
it’s too late i’m just going to stay
over here and working with my clients
but she said no there’s some great
stories
that aren’t being told and i want to
tell them
so she made that huge pivot did her
research
and now she does amazing work with oprah
and so many other major
opportunities the next one we all know
is steve jobs
he was adopted he could have easily said
uh it’s too late for me my parents
didn’t want me why would anybody else
want me
but he didn’t let that stop him he moved
on
to create probably the phone that you’re
holding in your hand right now
and the third person is mr tyler perry
we all know the struggles that he went
through
growing up but he decided that it wasn’t
too late
so i want to leave you with this who
told you
that it was too late
was it someone from a toxic past
or was it your own self-doubt
that was triggered by something in the
past that you haven’t gotten over yet
i’m just here to tell you today
that it’s never too late thank you