Los que no encajan en la escuela
Translator: Gisela Giardino
Reviewer: Sebastian Betti
I recently asked my mom
what she remembers from high school.
And she told me that, honestly,
her memories were not the best.
She got bored and, many times,
she felt incapable.
Basically, she felt like she didn’t fit.
Today, I’m the one going through this.
And, although several years passed
since my mom graduated,
it seems that nothing changed much.
I think a lot of us
still feel the same way.
We feel uncomfortable, insecure,
bored and unmotivated.
We feel like we don’t fit in.
When I was six years old, my parents
noticed something different about me.
I got terribly bored at school.
I did none of my homework.
And when I got home I’d throw
my school bag down the stairs.
When I got nervous
I’d bite my supplies.
I was shy and didn’t have many friends.
I would scream and beg
to please stop making me go to school.
Generally, those who are slower learners
tend to have problems at school.
They don’t fit.
So my parents, pretty worried,
made an appointment with a therapist.
For two months I went to an office
without understanding why.
And after nine sessions
my diagnosis was given.
Six sheets in which they expected
the solution to all my problems to be.
My diagnosis said “higher abilities”.
How come?
Weren’t the slow learners
the ones who didn’t fit?
They had my diagnosis.
They knew what was happening to me.
At school I started answering
all the questions.
I did more homework than required.
But I still didn’t fit in.
Even less than before.
My teacher would say
in front of the whole class
that I was smarter than everyone else.
And we know what happens
when someone is labeled that way.
At school they said
they weren’t prepared
to treat a diagnosis like mine.
And I had to look for
another school to help me.
That’s why they took me to another school.
My parents were worried.
But I was happy.
Because I was going to have a chance
to make new friends
who didn’t know my story.
It was my chance
to create a new Paloma.
Trying to fit in then became
something like my hobby.
I disguised myself as someone
I really wasn’t.
I featured myself as someone
who had it a little harder to learn.
I had bad grades at school.
I wasn’t paying attention in class.
Sometimes I knew the answers
I was asked
but I would refrain from answering.
I didn’t bring in any notebooks,
so they would tell me off,
but I didn’t care about that
because I had friends.
Sometimes it even looked
like almost natural,
but the truth is, I wasn’t feeling well.
I didn’t recognize myself.
I didn’t know what I liked.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
I wasn’t being myself.
I felt awful.
Despite I kept trying, even harder,
I could not feel like I fit completely.
I ended up thinking it didn’t matter
what I would do or what school I’d go to.
I simply didn’t fit in.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried.
And that made me think
and question a lot of things.
If at school they don’t fit in
those who have it
a little harder to learn,
and neither those that have it easy,
who is the school made for?
Why isn’t it for everyone?
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired
of pretending to be someone
that I’m not so I can fit in.
I want to be myself
without embarrassing myself
for the way in which I learn.
I want the school to stop
being an obligation,
and become something to enjoy
and full of challenges.
I don’t want to be told
who I have to be.
I want to be helped in finding
the best version of me.
For a long time we waited
for the school to change.
But I’m tired of waiting.
If the school doesn’t change,
why don’t we change,
thus giving the school
no other choice but to change.
One thing I’m sure of today, is that
I definitely don’t fit in
with the school mold.
But you know what?
I don’t feel bad about that anymore.
Something I learned during this time
is that if the school doesn’t change
I have to take the lead
of my own learning path.
That’s how I found technology.
An out-of-school space
that made me feel less alone.
And because technology is something
I’m passionate about, I realized
that I wasn’t just enjoying it,
I was also learning.
There’s surely something
you’re passionate about.
Most likely is that
you haven’t noticed
that you learn a lot
and you can find clues about how
to learn better about your passion.
And, once you get those clues,
I’m sure you’ll find your own space.
A space where you feel comfortable
with your learning pace.
Where you will find people
with your same interests.
A space without limits
or conditions to learn,
where you can be yourself.
To learn better, it’s important to find
first something you’re passionate about.
To go searching for this space was
my way of understanding myself
and getting to know myself.
Maybe we have to find others like us,
who don’t fit in,
to help us not fit in together
and feel less alone.
Why don’t we make
the school have no choice
but to meet and accept us
as we are?
I suggest we start a revolution.
A revolution that doesn’t need or wait
for the school’s pace of change.
So that we can do it today and now.
Ourselves.
I propose that we make a revolution
so that not to fit becomes the new fit.