Im gonna need a bigger purse Kathryn Childers
[Music]
50 years ago
in 1971 i was one of the first five
female agents hired by the united states
secret service
history books said we shot holes in the
glass ceiling
when there were a few opportunities for
women in fact there was no glass in that
ceiling
in those days women were expected to
become wives or mothers if they wanted a
career
nurses teachers or secretaries that
about covered
but here i was chosen to be one of the
first female
federal agents in the secret service
daunting first i had to prove i was
worthy of trust and confidence and pass
a top
secret security clearance then they
trained us in jiu jitsu
hand-to-hand combat investigations and
of course
firearms clearly i knew it was going to
be a challenge to convince the man of
the secret service and the world as far
as that’s concerned that women could do
this
we had to try harder be better
jump higher and yep shoot straighter
even if it scared us to death
we were the first no one was quite ready
to be
they really didn’t know what to expect
when we were sworn in the reporters
didn’t write that
five of us were competent intelligent
strong women who entered the secret
service for the first time in 106 year
history
instead they wrote about our hair color
our height
and our smart figures so there i was
24 years old wearing stylish boots
carrying a chic handbag wearing a
matching suede vest
ready to make history well after being
sworn in then
ceremoniously gave me a heavy cardboard
box with my gun
my commission book my bullets and a
shiny set of handcuffs
oh boy i thought i’m gonna need a bigger
purse then i noticed an envelope
peeking out from underneath the 357
magnum service revolver
with an american express card in my name
i was thrilled in those days women
didn’t get credit the only way you could
get a credit card was
in your father’s name or your husband or
even your little brother
if they signed on the bottom line so i
slipped that card in my wallet
put it in my big new person went on to
make history
i could tell you some really great
stories about how i protected the
president
of the united states the kennedy
children or worked buying
counterfeit money on the bad bad streets
of new york and la
but that’s not what i’m going to talk to
you about today
i’m going to talk to you about love my
40-year love story with a man that in
the end
hardly knew my name you know dating when
you’re a secret service agent was
tough once i went out with a pompous guy
who was
teasing me about being an asian the fact
that i had a set of handcuffs in my
purse
finally i’d had enough whipped those
stainless steel babies out and cuffed
him to the chair
it was funny until i realized i didn’t
have the key
well driving back to my apartment to get
it it occurred to me that the service
was not just a job
it was going to be a way of life it was
clear
i was not going to land a husband with
all that stuff
in my purse then i met a great guy who
didn’t really seem to mind he was crazy
about me and i was crazy about him
one day he proposed to me get this over
the phone
while i’m training on the range with my
uzi submachine gun
kate katie said i’ve got the ring will
you marry me
it’s not a good time i whispered well
eventually i did say yes
it was a tough decision i really loved
the job
and the life but i just couldn’t have it
all
so i returned all that stuff in my purse
to the secret service property room
my purse was really pretty empty at that
point but i married cecil childers
that big old purse of mine was empty
like i said
but i pulled the worn leather strap over
my shoulder
and moved to south texas where i loaded
it up again with the standard issue
a wife and eventually a mother would
carry
it was a big change cecil was a tall
handsome texan and he adored me like i
said and i adored him
he was a psychiatrist and i he loved his
patients
he was board certified in adult
geriatric psychiatry and
psychopharmacology
but it was his heart and his sense of
humor
that really set him apart in the midst
of
assessing their mental situation their
serious mental illness
cecil would lean in and say you know
what
life is just too important to take too
seriously
all right so you know why we’re not all
here because we’re not all there
breaking the ice so to speak his
patients
loved him ironically cecil would be
diagnosed with alzheimer’s
who would have thought and i would
become his bodyguard
my new role as his caregiver in many
ways
mirrored what i had been doing in my
assignments in the secret service
to keep the person i was to protect
alive
and safe that was the most important but
when it came to the kennedy children
john and caroline there were some
unofficial parts of the job to keep them
a little happy
best you could entertain and keep them
from embarrassing themselves or their
famous mother
jacqueline kennedy on nasa’s and i did
it
on occasion i became known as the pistol
pack and nanny but that’s okay it was a
great assignment
let me give you an example at the last
minute mrs onassis decided to
take the children to the opening and
decided not to rather she was going to
go to the
opening of the kennedy center in
washington and she decided not to take
them unofficially i was tasked with
keeping the kids in a gaggle of kennedy
cousins
entertained at the compound in
hyannisport how about we go to the
drive-in i proposed and organized a
popcorn popping adventure to see kelly’s
heroes
of course they wanted to sneak in like
real kids
so amidst all the giggling in the back i
told him to duck down and
get behind the seats at the ticket booth
i asked for
two tickets but held up seven fingers
although i only made 7 500 a year as a
special agent
i had enough money to make in my purse
to pay for those tickets
i really don’t remember much about the
movie but i was so glad the kids had fun
and relieved we didn’t break the law or
get caught
creating some fun in cece’s life and
entertaining him
was not unlike that with my new
assignment
when he quit practicing he didn’t have
much to do no hobbies no
interest nothing outside of end of
medicine so
i kind of looked back at those secret
service years and became
aware of the fact that i’ve been pretty
good at planning events and travel
even for the president united states we
had an old airstream trailer so i loaded
him up and our cocker spaniel ellie
on board and toured much most of the
united states
both coasts most of the west the grand
canyon and the bayous of louisiana
we even hit the lewis and clark trail
from montana all the way out to oregon
over several years i pulled it over 30
000
miles and became skilled at backing up
the darn thing
most women in the group really were
afraid to do it they
didn’t think they could they were simply
too scared
to try that is they never drove
but for an old agent like me it was just
part of the job
it was the trip of the lifetime even if
he didn’t remember much of it
when i was protecting the kennedy kids
the paparazzi were always looking for a
sellable photo of the president’s
daughter
especially if it put her in a
compromising situation
caroline was just a teenager and really
didn’t care but her mother might
it was my job to make sure they didn’t
get that shot
for example she joined some other kids
waiting in an off limit
fountain in austria one time i was with
her and i kept that picture off the
front page of course i did i was good at
my job
cecil had no trouble embarrassing me
i was an easy target as the alzheimer’s
progressed
oh he became more childlike and loved to
tell
stupid potty mouth jokes i didn’t like
it
and he knew it despite the alzheimer’s
i’d complain he’d say i’ll never do it
again of course he did
and he did i should have just given it
up and just let it go
even with alzheimer’s he made sure i
didn’t take myself
too seriously
finally another piece of advice keeping
your protectee alive was my
most important job as a special agent in
the secret service
in my new role protecting cecil it just
wasn’t possible
there was no cure all i could do and all
you can do
is provide support and give him a
relatively
comfortable safe and happy life and
do the best you can to keep yours intact
with that said here are some nuggets of
advice for you to keep in your pocket or
at the bottom of your purse
they’re not clinical just observations
that i collected during my journey
and i hope they’ll be of help to you
number one
keep a sense of humor absolutely
imperative in the service i learned that
a sense of humor was an
absolute must i’ll give you an example
one day i was assigned as a partner to a
man
who wasn’t really excited about my being
his partner
the men weren’t thrilled to have us on
the job i will say that’s another story
during one arrest my partner this big
guy who could have been playing for the
dab of dallas cowboys said
you’re so tough you break down the door
i smiled and said you’re so tough
you break down the door and i’ll shoot
them i’m a lot better shot than you are
we both laughed we knocked they opened
the door
and we became good friends very good
friends even in the midst of being a
caregiver the most difficult job you’ll
ever have
you need to take a deep breath and laugh
as we drove across the country in our
chevrolet remember that ad about seeing
the world in your chevrolet
actually ours was a ford 250 super duty
diesel
cecil loved to count trucks out loud
mile after mile after mile i didn’t say
anything at first but finally it was
driving me
crazy i said why do you do this
and his answer was short because i can
he said sadly so i finally
understood and made a game of it i gave
him a pad of paper
and a pencil and asked him to record his
numbers silently
which he agreed to do and when we hit 50
we’d go to dairy queen and i’ll be
honest i liked going there too
so do yourself a favor laugh at the
jokes
make a game out of the trucks in your
life
you would not believe how many white
pickup trucks cruise the american
highways
number two put your person in the
schedule i’ll admit it i got
angry as his disease weren’t worsened in
my life was taken away
bit by bit i had a busy life but i wish
i’d made his schedule as
important as mine he didn’t have much to
do
so he demanded i’m saying demanded i
take him on a golf cart ride
every afternoon at exactly five o’clock
i didn’t take it very seriously thinking
we could do that anytime
i would ask myself did it really make a
difference what time we went
yes it really did it made the world of
difference to him
and i wish i’d paid more attention to
that number three lower your
expectations
cecil had been a brilliant man and now
watch
mindless tv i would suggest
pbs or nova something that was
educational or entertaining
but i had to lower my expectations to
what
i thought he should be watching and
spending during his time
it really didn’t make any difference
he loved the movie three amigos i’d sing
in the song but i’m not going to
he watched it over and over again he
didn’t like
change i heard that i’ve heard that’s
really true of many alzheimer’s patients
i had to accept a routine and boredom
in our lives i thought it was my job to
make him better when making him happier
would have been a far better call
and being a good agent i was prepared i
planned ahead and had dvds stashed
everywhere
yes even in my purse well in the movie
the three amigos saved the day it was
silly
fun and cecil loved the pretty ladies
that was okay number four it’s better to
be kind than right
with the advice i’ve shared with you
today i hope there’s one thing you will
not forget and simply this
it’s better to be kind rather than
always trying to be
right in the secret service i really
didn’t have that option
kindness wasn’t on the table split sex
and decisions
had life and death consequences but
caring for a loved one is different you
do
have a choice with cecil there were so
many times i tried to fix him
downplaying the simple things that were
important to him it just
didn’t work when i gave up the fixing
and just went along for the ride i saw
it in his piercing blue eyes
it meant the world to him when i took
the time to make a game of counting
trucks or
sit with him not just watch but sit with
him and watch the three amigos
for the umpteenth time being kind was
far better
i did my best but lost cecil on july the
4th 2018
and i’m now on a solo assignment
i used to be the sherpa carrying
everyone else’s stuff to the top of the
mountain
there’s not much in my purse these days
i call it a covered clutch
filled with hand sanitizer a mask in my
phone
and of course that old american express
card that says i was a member since 1971
i wouldn’t give that
in one of the most challenging times of
our lives i’ve chosen to reinvent myself
you can too
i’ve started a new company i finished a
book i planted a garden got healthy and
lost
50 pounds even at a distance i’ve been
able to keep friends close
this time i didn’t need a bigger purse
it took a backpack
these days it’s almost impossible to
agree who
or what is right or how to fix it
so how about we just stick with kind
thank you