Lets Talk Sex
[Music]
it is difficult to talk to children
about sex
right but let’s all admit it
for many of us it is actually difficult
to talk about sex with
anyone let alone children
but this inability to allow ourselves to
be uncomfortable for a moment or two
can potentially create lasting
real world effects for our children
i’d like to invite you to imagine these
scenarios
with me i’ve changed the names of people
involved
to protect their identities
hi karl he was at his grandmother’s
house
during raya this is an aid
celebration and all the children
were uh gathering around uncle joe
taking turns bouncing on uncle joe’s
knees
it was high constant so high cal sat on
his uncle joe’s lap and
uncle joe moved his knees up and down up
and down up and down faster
him and his cousins were all laughing
along with uncle joe
going faster haikal realizes that
both of uncle joe’s hands were
on hika’s bum maybe
haika thought to prevent me from falling
because
we were moving really fast
but high call feels uncomfortable
everyone’s laughing so happy
and haikal trusts his uncle joe
should i tell my mom she’s right there
mary she is 14 she has been making out
with her cute
boyfriend who is 15 years old and his
name is jason
she didn’t really know what they were
doing exactly
but it sure felt good nice
and one pleasure led to another
now she finds out that she is pregnant
what will my mom say
lina she’s 13 she has an instagram
account
she often posts selfies like any girl
her age
and her school friends always like them
she feels cute she feels extra cute
ever since a boy from another school
been sliding into her dms
he told her he is 14 so that’s okay
they’re about the same age they
exchanged flirty messages
he makes her feel really good about
herself
she trusted him with
um some pictures of her
not wearing any clothes because he said
he loves them in return
he gives her dick pics
they trust each other and trust is
important in a relationship
turns out he is 20 years older than 14
married with two children he wants to
meet
lina felt unsafe
but what about all those pictures
a 16 year old girl she was given alcohol
and drugs at the end of a fun date
she’s popular in school and she has so
many admirers and she
doesn’t go out with any guys who doesn’t
pay for my dinner and drinks
naturally she gets a guy who pays for
everything
but she didn’t realize that it was his
way of manipulating the situation
into getting laid um
he’s not a terrible kisser but she just
doesn’t feel like doing anything more
how do i get out of this why am i wet if
i don’t want this
will i be safe i’m kind of high
underaged pregnancies child sexual abuse
sti amongst children unsafe abortions
gender-based violence dating violence
forced
intercourse bullying psychological
abuse that leads to poor emotional
and mental health and potentially death
from hpv and hiv-related complications
lasting real-world effects for our
children
have you heard this proverb prevention
is better than cure
i think it’s fair to assume that most
people have heard of it
i first realized the extent of the
issues surrounding
children’s sexuality education here in
malaysia when i was a student in
university malaya
i was volunteering as a an enumerator
my given task was to interview some 50
families about their health status to
collect
information on diseases among urban
communities
gathering information for medical
doctors and researchers
from that experience i realized that
children
in urban housing are extremely
vulnerable
to predators and abusers because
they were often left alone and
unsupervised
for long periods of time often because
their parents have no choice
they have to work long hours to put food
on the table
here i discovered a lack of awareness of
how dangerous the family’s outlook on
the topic of sex and sexuality was
this outlook has unfortunately helped to
perpetuate the practice of child
marriage
as a legitimate solution to sexual
impropriety
it has also perpetuated the practices of
baby dumping and infanticide practices
that bear unspeakable personal costs
i feel so sad and so angry every time
i read about it in the news you know
when people talk about babies who are
planned
intended and wanted generally
they’ll be happy they’ll be content
yet i was seeing families turn apart
young people distraught it was just so
upsetting
i’ve i’ve had enough of um baby dumping
cases i’ve had enough of infanticide
cases happening in my country
and i definitely have had enough of
young mothers
girls being demonized blamed
and punished while their partners are
spared
this kind of judgment i came to realize
that there was a direct correlation
between what we were seeing
in our communities and what we were not
teaching our children baby dumping
is the direct result of lack of
sexuality education
not social problems and certainly not
because of a female child’s
behavioral issue
in malaysia one in three young people
said that their first sexual experience
was before the age of 14. that’s very
young
one in three young people actually
believe
that they will not get pregnant from
having sex
just one time one in five actually
believe that they can get sti through a
mosquito bite
14 out of every 1 000 girls in malaysia
fall pregnant every year 45 teenage
girls give
birth every day in malaysia rapists
often avoid prosecution by marrying
their victims
statistics suggests that at least a
hundred thousand women
have been raped by their intimate
partner
during their lifetime marital rape
is not considered a crime in our country
for those who don’t know
malaysia is one of the 28 countries who
still have marital rape
exemption laws
so what can we do what can we do
to prevent all these tragedies
we engage our children in comprehensive
sexuality education
comprehensive sexuality education is a
lifelong conversation
which starts with simple concepts and
builds over time as the individual’s
capacity to understand increases
it begins with laying the foundations
with young children
by teaching them about bodily autonomy
saying no to things that makes them feel
uncomfortable
and how to differentiate safe touches
and unsafe touches what’s healthy
behavior
and what is toxic for them that when a
little girl
or a little boy bullies you pushes you
pulls your hair it doesn’t mean that
they fancy you
when someone treats you unkindly it does
not equate
to love or care that it is
never okay for someone to pressure for
anyone to pressure them
to show their bodies if they don’t want
to
and that the only people who get to tell
them what to do with their body
for health and safety reasons is
you any caregivers you name
and also a doctor at the doctor’s office
when you
are present with them
talk about boundaries talk about
personal safety
make sure that they know that their body
is theirs and theirs alone and no one
else’s
create that degree of openness and
respect
for conversations about their bodies
i founded spot to provide comprehensive
sexuality education
to help parents and teachers initiate
respectful conversations around topics
of
sex and sexuality in order to help
prevent
child sexual abuse reduce unsafe sex
practices amongst children
and help prevent child marriages to do
this
as volunteers we go into schools and we
talk to students from the age of nine
we talk to them about the definition of
sex what safe sex is
pregnancy contraception scis we also
talk about sexual behaviors
focusing on bodily integrity
responsibilities
boundaries consent and their rights
and laws around consent and sex
this is also aligned with the united
nations sustainable development goals
three four and five
which are good health and well-being
quality education and gender equality
directly since we started in 2015
our cse modules have been delivered to
more than 10 000 girls
in 79 schools across six states
talking about sex in a comprehensive
manner has many positive effects
including delayed initiation of sexual
intercourse
reduced risk taking behaviors and
increased use of condoms
and other forms of contraception
we can’t always protect our children
from the internet
we can’t always protect them when
they’re not with us
and in high cult’s case even when they
are
in our sight therefore
the only way we can protect them and
truly preserve their innocence
is by informing them by empowering them
with knowledge this is how we create
meaningful change
we’re all born as sensual creatures
we need to educate our children before
it turns sexual
adolescence is a great time to build
healthy habits
and lifestyle relating to sex because
it’s a period of ongoing physical
emotional and social change
addressing sexual development and
puberty
at the age of 10 and 11 helps
adolescents to explore
their own sexuality safely and develop
strong
healthy relationships outside family
this is what spot aims to achieve
it is difficult to talk to children
about sex
and yet we know that it is so important
and we know that we must do it
we need to educate ourselves on how to
talk about sex in a positive light
with love with kindness with compassion
we need to remove the shame remove the
stigma
around talking about it as our
children’s futures
depend on it thank you