Asexuals need media representation
[Music]
this
is what asexual looks like is that what
you had in mind
if not ask yourself what did you have in
mind
i’ve been told repeatedly that i can’t
possibly be asexual because of how i
look and come across
i’ve been told that i don’t fit the
preconceived ideas about how an asexual
person is supposed to be
that made me think a lot about where
these ideas come from and what i could
do to change them as an activist
it’s probably worth mentioning that
asexuality means experiencing little to
no sexual attraction depending on where
you fall on the spectrum
it’s not to be confused with never
experiencing romantic attraction
having no libido not being able to
experience sexual arousal or being
celibate
the fact that i constantly have to
explain what asexuality is
even to an educated tedx audience in
2021
is a testament to what i’m going to be
talking about there is a
serious lack of asexual representation
in mainstream culture
and has impacted me my entire life
i grew up never seeing myself
represented
even now at a time where it feels like
sexuality is everywhere
and our perspectives of sexuality are
increasingly diverse
asexuality is still left out of the
conversation i can count the number of
times a mainstream character
actually says they’re asexual on one
hand
maybe half of one hand and if we’re
talking about black characters then
nothing guaranteed if you ask any
asexual person who their favorite
asexual character is
then they’re going to say todd from the
now cancelled bojack horseman
because he’s kind of all we’ve got even
in netflix’s sex education
a multi-season show literally based
around representing different
sexualities
the asexual character got a whole
four minutes of screen time and you know
that every asexual person has been said
in that clip
note that i said clip not episode most
of the time
asexuality is just a fleeting reference
the butt of a joke or a negative trait
in a character that’s either
evil robotic alien or just infantile and
strange
a lack of sexual attraction is often
treated as a manifestation of a lack of
empathy
think your lord voldemort your sheldon
cooper
your data from star trek it’s something
that might be fixed when the character
becomes
more likable or more human especially
for women
is seen as being a symptom of their
prudishness
unattractiveness or uptight personality
which needs to be resolved by the end of
the plot so they can experience the
richness of life
as complete appealing lovable people
even our non-fiction portrayals are
tainted with a perpetual woe is them
narrative
where we’re treated as these unusual
newly discovered creatures
struggling to function in today’s world
it’s something i’ve experienced first
hand working in the media they don’t
want to see you too happy
or too empowered they’d rather see you
broken
that is if they want to see you at all
when you consider our invisibility
in any other aspect of nation culture
whether it be
social policy or sex education and the
way we’ve been medicalized and
pathologized the way
many other identities have been it’s no
wonder that people don’t really know
what asexuality is
some might say that invisibility isn’t
much for a problem
but at this point in time it’s more than
that what the asexual community
experiences
is more akin to symbolic annihilation
it’s a term coined by george grebner in
the 1970s
to describe an absence of representation
under representation or
misrepresentation in the media
it’s a way of maintaining social
inequality and bringing the legitimacy
of an identity into question
it’s a form of subtle violence that is
often used against sexual minorities and
has been suffocating the asexual
community since long before my time
just because the asexual community isn’t
acknowledged enough to be hated on such
a blatant scale as some other identities
that doesn’t mean that discrimination
and prejudice towards us doesn’t exist
a lot of that is influenced by media
representation and the rigid way that
sexuality is framed
as being the ultimate component of
emotional fulfillment
health intimacy and personal liberation
the narratives perpetuated by the media
feed into the way asexual people are
treated in real life
many are quick to assume that you’re
somehow mistaken about your own identity
and that they know more about it than
you do you just haven’t found the right
person yet
you have a mental or physical disorder
you’re just
a cold-hearted psychopath you think
you’re too good for anybody
or just anti-sex or celibate you’re
using it as a cover for some kind of
hidden perversion
these are things that asexual people
hear unfortunately often
it doesn’t matter that there are asexual
people who have actually found their
soulmate
it doesn’t matter that love can manifest
in ways that aren’t sexual while still
being equally valid
it doesn’t matter that there’s no
evidence to suggest that asexual people
have any kind of hormone deficiency
or that the prevalence of anxiety and
depression in our community
is probably more down to our alienation
than our sexual orientation
it doesn’t matter that our community has
diverse feelings towards sexuality
and varying degrees of participation in
sexuality
or that we’re just normal people because
you don’t see us
and the way we’re taught to understand
sexuality and intimacy
is narrow exclusionary and outdated
there is no one way to be asexual
there is no asexual look asexuality
looks like me
and you and your mom and your dad and
your grandparent
and your kid and your teacher and your
best friend and your lover
it could look like anyone because we
could be
anyone asexuality has been called the
invisible orientation
but we’re done being invisible can you
see me now
you