Why kids need to learn about gender and sexuality Lindsay Amer
Alright, let’s get this kicked off.
(Music)
(Singing) It’s OK to be gay.
We are different in many ways.
Doesn’t matter if you’re a boy,
girl or somewhere in between,
we all are part of one big family.
Gay means “happy.”
Queer Kid Stuff.
You are enough
here at Queer Kid Stuff.
(Applause)
Opening a performance with lyrics
like “It’s OK to be gay”
for a roomful of adults is one thing,
but it’s entirely different
for a roomful of kindergartners.
What you’ve just heard is the theme song
for my web series “Queer Kid Stuff,”
where I make LGBTQ+
and social justice videos for all ages.
And when I say all ages,
I mean literal babies
to your great-great-grandma.
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
“Whoa, they’re talking
about gay stuff with kids.”
But talking to kids about gay stuff
is actually crucial.
The American Academy
of Pediatrics has found
that children have a solid understanding
of their gender identity
by the age of four.
This is when children
are developing their sense of self.
They’re observing the world around them,
absorbing that information
and internalizing it.
Now, most parents want their children
to become kind, empathetic,
self-confident adults,
and exposure to diversity
is an important part
of that social and emotional development.
And – gender nonconforming kids
and trans kids and kids with trans
and nonbinary and queer parents
are everywhere.
In the series, my stuffed bear cohost
and I talk about the LGBT community,
activism, gender and pronouns,
consent and body positivity.
We tackle these topics through songs,
not unlike the one you just heard,
simple definitions and metaphors.
We approach these ideas, to steal a phrase
from an old professor of mine,
from “under the doorknob” –
getting down to toddler height
and looking up at the great big world
through their tiny little eyes,
taking these seemingly complex ideas
and simplifying them –
not dumbing them down,
but homing in on the core concept.
Gender is about how we feel
and how we express ourselves.
Sexuality is about love
and gender and family,
not about sex.
And these are all ideas
children can grasp.
In one of my earliest
episodes about gender,
I used the idea of pronouns
to underscore the definition
and introduce gender-neutral pronouns
like “they” and “them.”
I encourage children to think
about their own pronouns
and to ask others for theirs.
In later episodes,
I build on this foundation
and introduce big fancy words
like “nonbinary” and “transgender.”
I get emails from viewers in their 20s
who use my videos to explain
nonbinary gender to their grandparents.
But, I get one comment
over and over again:
“Let kids be kids.”
Well, that’s a nice sentiment and all,
but only if it actually includes all kids.
Just a few weeks ago,
a 15-year-old in Huntsville, Alabama
died by suicide after being
bullied for being gay.
In 2018, it was a seven-year-old
in Denver, Colorado.
There have been and will be many more.
Lesbian, gay and bisexual teens
are more than three times
more likely to attempt suicide
than their heterosexual peers,
and transgender teens
are almost six times more likely.
According to one study,
roughly one third of homeless youth
identify as lesbian, gay,
bisexual or questioning,
and about four percent of homeless youth
identify as transgender,
compared with one percent
of the general youth population surveyed.
According to the Human Rights Campaign,
there have been 128 killings
of trans people
in 87 cities across 32 states
since 2013.
And those are the only the reported cases.
And 80 percent of those killings
were of trans women of color.
The queer situation is bleak,
to say the least.
The YouTube comments on my videos
are not much better.
I’m used to the harassment.
I get messages daily
telling me I’m a pedophile
and that I should kill myself
in a number of increasingly creative ways.
I once had to put the word “truck”
on my block list
because someone wanted me
to get run over by a truck.
“Shower” and “oven” are in there, too,
for the less creative and more disturbing
Holocaust reference.
When neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville,
I was unsurprised to learn
that the creator of a violent Reddit meme
about one of my episodes
was in the tiki torch crowd.
This barrage of negativity
is what we’re up against:
the crushing statistics, the violence,
the mental health risks,
the well-meaning but flawed response
my parents gave me when I came out,
that they didn’t want me
to have a harder life.
That’s what we’re up against.
But in the face of all that,
I choose joy.
I choose rainbows
and unicorns and glitter,
and I sing that it’s OK to be gay
with my childhood stuffed teddy bear.
I make queer media for kids
because I wish I had this
when I was their age.
I make it so others don’t have
to struggle through what I did,
not understanding my identity
because I didn’t have any exposure
to who I could be.
I teach and spread this message
through joy and positivity
instead of framing it around
the hardships of queer life.
I want kids to grow up and into themselves
with pride for who they are
and who they can be,
no matter who they love or what they wear
or what pronouns they use.
And I want them to love others
for their differences,
not in spite of them.
I think fostering this pride and empathy
will make the world a kinder
and more equal place
and combat the bigotry and hate
that festers in our world.
So, talk to a kid about gender.
Talk to a kid about sexuality.
Teach them about consent.
Tell them it is OK
for boys to wear dresses
and for girls to speak up.
Let’s spread radical queer joy.
Thank you.
(Applause)