How to get past disconnection to social change
how do you begin
to understand and unravel the complex
issues
in the urgently required social changes
of our times
how do you respond to your black friend
what difference will your words
and actions make in the grand scheme
of things everything
your words and your actions mean
everything in social change
but thinking about these questions can
render us
powerless when it comes to complex
social change issues
like racial justice and equity
nothing seems like the right thing to do
or say everything seems
uncomfortable awkward and messy
and so instead of figuring out a way
forward
we humans tend to do something very
strange
in these circumstances instead
of coming together and figuring out a
collective way forward
we bury our heads in the sand
and this in turn creates even more
awkwardness uncomfortable and messy
interactions assumptions and questions
here are some stories to illustrate how
this disconnection
shows up in my everyday life
first there’s you and i friend
we meet in community but rather than let
our friendship bloom naturally
you insist on peppering me with
questions about my history
my heritage and my hair
i’m most intrigued with the question how
do i wash my hair
because i wonder how do you wash yours
you already know the basics of hair
hygiene and that is really
all you need to know i give it a good
try because i’m hoping things will get
better
over time but then one day
it occurs to me your questions are not
making me feel
connected to you instead they are
increasing the space
between us because i feel objectified
and then i immediately think well maybe
i’m overreacting
until my children start to come home
asking me
how they must respond to these same
questions and i realize we’re playing
out
a harrowing and unholy tradition
generation after generation
i call this response the learned
ignorance response because you might be
thinking even now
as people have said to me before well
how am i to learn if i do not ask
and i invite you instead to consider
what are the systemic reasons
that have you knowing so little about
black people
and then this you and i work colleague
we meet at a session on power and
privilege
and engaging across difference to
continue the rituals of diversity
conversations
that our organizations are engaging in
we simulate the racial privilege
advantage
by working in two groups one group is
given all the supports and resources
they need
and they are given a couple buys along
the way another group
is given less resources and less support
they have roadblocks placed in their way
and they
are given no buys at all
we debrief the activity and you make
your way to me
afterward and you say where are you from
i smiled a bit resigned to the fact that
some form of this
was bound to happen in this space and
because i sense you are looking for
the answer of my ethnic ancestry
i say sierra leone instead of canada
you proceed to tell me all about your
grandson’s glorious adoption story
from somalia why did you feel the need
to do so
even though sierra leone and somalia are
in completely polar opposite
ends of the continent they share
because you could feel the dissonance
and discomforts of the truths you just
experienced
but you wanted me to know me
who now represented all of africa and
all blackness to know that you
are doing your part you have black
family after all
i say nothing and as you continue
you begin to flush because you begin to
realize that in my shoes what you are
saying makes no difference
and that based on what we just
experienced i will need you
to do much more than adopt children who
look like me
from the zeitgeist of the system that we
are stuck
in without being part of changing the
system
at all and this will require that you
further
understand your privilege
and so this response i call the awkward
defensive response
and then there’s you and i
expert in all things social change
higher educator
social policy influencer literal world
changer
there we are at a conference exchanging
ideas
and you seek me out to tell me that you
are impressed by me and then you say
you are different what is your
background
as i look at you taking this in it’s a
rhetorical question because you proceed
to answer it yourself by interrogating
the line in my bio
where i identify as global african
who was born in germany grew up in
sierra leone and currently living in
canada
and you say ah african elite
makes sense i’m stunned
because i may have expected this out
there
but coming from you the implications of
what you just said
are not lost on me and as
i look at you i say to you
that i do not think that that is the
whole story
or the right way to engage with me
in this space because you already know
that it is ridiculous for you to
consider not what is normative for you
to be elite and different for me and for
the parents
that had transcended the boundaries that
they did and modeled excellence
so that i could be in that space
we did this politely of course and you
still dismiss me
and walk away and as you
leave i find myself thinking of my
auntie fatu
auntie patoo is all i wanted to be when
i grew up
moved and inspired as i was by her
intelligence her dignity
her wisdom and her grace
so when i returned to sir leon after
years of being away i sought out auntie
fatu
and told her that i would be honored to
have her
be a witness sign my wedding registry
auntie fatu cried overwhelmed with joy
she looked at me and said but me piquina
nosa be right
but my child i cannot write
and i told her that we had considered
this and she could sign
by fingerprint or that we would teach
her to sign her name
auntie fatu proudly signed my registry
on that day as you walk away
i think about the fact that anti-fatty
could teach you
and i and everyone else in this room
much more than i ever could with my
western acceptability
about what it might mean to create
sustainable change
and engage rural and urban and suburban
african women
but i worried in that moment that to you
she would only be a statistic
a stereotype a symbol to open these
proceedings as an african elder if
allowed into the room
at all this
response is the replay of social rank
sadly at its finest
disconnection is a survival and defense
mechanism
but one that causes real harm to real
people
it can be unconscious at first but
eventually
it becomes consciously unconscious
it becomes a choice for example
in this moment in history there’s
hundreds of years of evidence about the
impacts
that these everyday interactions and
even worse
have on black indigenous and people of
color
and what that means for our society and
yet
there’s only one statistic that concerns
me today
and that is the statistic that in
current canadian research
on average 50 percent of non-black
canadians
and in other cases canadians in general
believe
that systemic racism is an issue at
all 50 percent
of canadians believe that systemic
racism
is an issue at all that statistic
illustrates the disconnection of our
times
so how do you get past disconnection
first you choose to say yes
then you find your resonance
peter block expert in organization
development community building and civic
engagement says
this the answer to how
is yes it’s a metaphor of sorts to
signify
that we humanity can sometimes continue
to ask
questions and stay in a conversation as
a deflection
from commitment when the issues are too
complicated for us to comprehend
instead of coming together to commit and
find solutions
and so to move past disconnection we
must say yes
which means saying yes with our heads
because as peter who likes to be known
as citizen and friend would say
yes is the end of argument it means no
longer arguing with the data and the
evidence
and saying yes to a massive unraveling
of the systems
and the structures and the processes at
every level
that keep us locked in these systemic
situations
that are that are untractable and have
not been changing
over time as much as they need to
it means saying yes with your heart
that means letting go of these narrow
stories that do not dignify
the diversity and the humanity
of black peoples globally and welcoming
me
and mine and every black person you
encounter
as your beloved and it means saying yes
with your hands
much more than talking actions or
reading books although that’s a start to
get past
that learned ignorance but taking action
for
true change and systemic change over
time
you know this year with the on video
suffocation of george floyd
more of us have probably gone to work
globally
than was the case perhaps since the end
of
appetite in south africa that engendered
global
movements and protests or the civil
rights movements
in the united states as we know from
current events
between those landmark moments so much
has continued to happen that have had
black peoples
continuing to work and to resist and to
look for ways
that we can all collectively move
forward in a world of social justice and
equity
and that is because black people have
continued
to die and to struggle whether to police
brutality
or to war and armed conflict over blood
diamonds
or to modern day slavery across the seas
in the mediterranean and the middle east
or to everyday violence against
afro-descendants in north and south
america
or afro-europeans afro-asians or
afro-oceanics
we have kept struggling but we have kept
moving forward
and this is an opportunity for all of us
to do so
because for this pandemic the vaccine
is all of us yes breaks us out of
disconnection
and frees us to look for solutions to
social justice and change
but we can still flame out when working
on these complex and frankly traumatic
issues so 10 years ago in my life as a
researcher
i asked african and black leaders who
were making significant
changes in their communities and in the
world
for social justice and racial equity
what it took
to get to yes and to stay there
and they all described a similar
phenomenon that i
labeled resonance and over these 10
years i have seen resonance
occur in the same way over time
in different groups and different
organizations and in different forums
where social change
is the topic at hand resonance in its
simplest form
is a guiding story it’s the story that
comes to mind
in answer to the question what is a
personal story that
deeply connects you to issues of social
justice
we all have that resonance story
it’s a human story for you it might be
the memory
of growing up in poverty and smelling
and feeling
and knowing what that feels like and
wanting that to be different for
everyone else in the world
for you it might be having raised that
child that you worried about
and seeing them thrive in the world and
deciding you wanted to make sure that
every child
had equal opportunities so that they
could grow up and thrive in that same
way
these human stories could be stories of
extraordinary joy or extraordinary pain
but they anchor leaders to the reason
why they stand for social change and
social justice
and it allows them to carry on when the
going gets tough
because it does and so when it comes to
the movement
for justice for our black lives this
is my resonant story it centers around
my children and the time
in the same time frame when my daughter
came home from school
in about grade four and said to me
that a classmate had said to her that no
one wanted to play with her
because no one wanted to play with a
little black
girl shortly after
my son the older of two who was in grade
two at the time
came home and said to us that he no
longer wished
to be black or african
he said this because in a well-meaning
presentation
about global citizenship and service
without regard to his
humanity he left with the message that
black and african children are only
dirty and poor this broke my heart
as you can see and imagine and it was a
double whammy that propels me
forward and gives me resonance to stand
on stages like this
and invite all of us to say yes
and find that resonant story
starting from the commitment of yes and
locking in on your resonant story
won’t take away the awkwardness i’m
sorry
but it does give you a different entry
points to work from
and to stand in a real and humane way
and acknowledge this is awkward
but i commit to moving forward how can
we get there
together i have seen residents shift
conversations and actions so many times
in the last 10 years and so next time
when you find yourself in that place of
influence
say yes call on your resonance story
individually and collectively
and buckle in for the ride because
there’s nothing
more powerful in social change than the
transformative
power of our own personal stories
will you say yes and find your resonance
story
to move from disconnection to connection
in social change
thank you