Dare To Occupy Powerful Spaces
[Music]
[Applause]
my skin is like
dark ebony under the blazing sun won’t
you
tell me that i’m beautiful but don’t
preface it by telling me the limiting
conditions of my beauty
my skin is like sunday morning sweaty
pews uncomfortable shifting
uncomfortable silence
as a congregation waxes and ways to the
preacher’s words
don’t tell me i am sinful don’t judge me
for being religious
our white god is the only thing you have
left for us
hello my name is dr chica stacy orewa
and i’m a first year resident in
psychiatry at the university of toronto
and before i became a doctor i was a
competitive
spoken word poet meaning that i had
spent
many years on stage performing my poetry
i would have never imagined that one of
the most important performances
i would ever give would be at my medical
school admissions
interview for the university of toronto
in a seat
across from a senior white male
cardiologist
the one who would determine whether i
would earn a spot
at this prestigious institution and
achieve my lifelong
goal of becoming a doctor this time
the performance i had rehearsed was
entirely different
to the poems i was trained to know by
heart
every move was part of a delicate dance
keep your chin raised
smile look poised but not robotic
hands on the table and not on your lap
and try to relax
the sterile feeling of the windowless
room made me nervous
and left me with a cold sweat and
intense focus on the gravity of this
very moment
my shot at getting into the medical
school of my dreams
and despite all the weeks i had spent
preparing nothing
could have prepared me for when he
combed through my resume
realized that i had recently placed in a
national poetry slam competition
and asked me in that moment to perform
my very
best piece i
was stunned i did not rehearse for this
and my biggest fear wasn’t that i would
falter a performance that i’d given
dozens of times but whether i would be
able to command
this audience one of the most important
audiences
i would ever have with a poem that
describes
in detail my lived experience as a black
woman
and the collective trauma that the black
community has faced
not one that describes why i would be
the ideal candidate for medical school
and as i stood at the cusp of my medical
journey
i was reminded of the rule that often
polices how black people
navigate professional spaces one that
i’ve been told
time and time and time again
be careful of embracing and expressing
your blackness
as this can make some people feel
uncomfortable
and as i mentally shuffled through the
catalogue of my poetry
my poem skin stood out
i hold this piece close as it not only
speaks to my humanity as a black woman
but also demands an incredible amount of
passion in its performance
i could feel my heart racing and my
hands shaking
as deciding to share this poem can mean
alienating me further from my
interviewer
and widening the chasm in our identities
and experiences
but i knew that standing in my truth as
a black female poet
would be the most honest window into my
soul and the most clear demonstration
of the conviction i can bring to a
career in medicine
and so as i had done hundreds of times
before a performance
i clasped my hands closed my eyes and
drew a slow
steady breath
my skin is like dark ebony under the
blazing sun won’t you
tell me that i’m beautiful and in that
moment
the cold sweat gave way to the
exhilaration of taking the stage
sharing my crafty wordplay and rhyming
skills and showing this physician
the rawest realest version of myself
halfway through my poem the buzzer rang
signaling the final minute at that
station
and i held my breath in anxious
anticipation for his response
he put the papers down we shared a long
silent stare before he said
that was incredible and i wish you could
stick around to finish the piece
and in that moment i learned that there
is a power
in standing in your truth and allowing
the light within you to shine brightly
that others can recognize and respect
i also learned that there is a power in
occupying space
and by that i mean existing in places
where someone like yourself
is not traditionally seen my performance
on that fateful day
embodies my belief that you should dare
to unapologetically
occupy powerful spaces and if you’ve had
the historical privilege of doing so
i dare you to allow those to step in
from the margins
because when we do this we will not only
empower ourselves and
others but actually shift the culture of
a collective
and inspire a generation it’s only when
we do this
that we can begin to see the gaps in
equity close
and opportunities for success be made
available to all
and so i got in and in the late summer
of 2016
i started medical school at the
university of toronto
and after having finished my
undergraduate degree at mcmaster
university
where i was the only black student in my
class
i was so excited to be studying medicine
in a city that is often regarded as one
of the most
diverse places in the world however
i quickly learned that my narrative of
being the only
black student was going to continue
another
four years as i learned alongside 259
brilliant future doctors the gravity of
being in my shoes meant having to
contend with
representing my race and fielding racism
and microaggression in isolation
i came to understand that medicine is
one of the oldest and most conservative
professional spaces medical school is
designed to draw in a diverse group of
people
and mold them into the ideal clinician
it’s meant to change the way that we
critically think
view the world and present ourselves and
as a black woman
occupying this space that literally had
floor-to-ceiling paintings of the old
white men
who had founded and occupied this
institution for decades
i was advised that embracing my
blackness and
drawing attention to my differences
could lead to further
isolation i remember a friend once told
me that
the goal was to be black but not sue
black
that it made people feel uncomfortable i
was told that
wearing my natural hair could be a
distraction that it would invite
untoward inquiries and
make my patients feel uneasy
medicine was no space for the political
statement of an afro
a preceptor even once told me that as a
black female doctor
there was no room for error
and so i quickly learned to cleave the
parts of myself that rooted me in my
identity
as i was told that this was the safest
way to survive
four years of rigorous studying
extremely late nights
and painfully early mornings so you can
imagine
that when i was approached by one of my
faculty mentors
with the opportunity to share my story
of being the only black medical student
for the public launch of a brand new
initiative
that was designed to improve the
chronically low numbers of black medical
students
i was haunted by the reminder that
conservative institutions
do not like people who challenge the
status quo
i was asked to share my story with the
media and
going public with my story and openly
advocating for an initiative that
should not have been controversial but
was meant risking it all
i remember my friends would tell me that
i would be destroying
my chances of matching to my dream
residency
and even prevent me from getting hired
as a staff
despite this after careful discussion
with my support networks
i determined that the risk of staying
silent was too great
i dared to move forward and step into
the public eye
and in march of 2017 i took the front
page of the toronto star
with the goal of ensuring that my
isolating experience
at u of t would never again be repeated
and with this publication came a wave of
positive reception
from the black community medical
community and beyond
however i quickly learned that the risk
of speaking up
was not isolated to a potential
professional fallout
but also meant leaving me vulnerable to
online racist attacks
strangers would openly and brazenly mock
me
i remember sitting in my endocrinology
lecture and feeling my phone
vibrate with a notification it was from
and a random man had commented on my
toronto star article saying
i bet she’s studying african bush
medicine
and i wouldn’t let her treat my children
another random twitter user had
commented and said
scientifically the iq of a black african
is lower than that of a white american
and if she wants more
blacks in her class she should go back
to africa
it would have been irrelevant to mention
that i was in fact born in ottawa
ontario because this individual was
determined to push me back to the
margins
out of the public consciousness away
from medicine
and even out of the borders of our
nation
it was their belief that i was occupying
a space
in which i did not belong however
i dare to move forward in the face of
such intense hate
that still continues to this day because
advocacy for me
is a form of self-preservation it’s a
reclaiming of my identity in a space
that tries to erase it
and as i progressed through my clinical
years i began to shake the fear of
showing up as my authentic self
i dared to wear my natural hair on the
hospital wards
and introduced topics of anti-racism
into clinical discourse
and in my final year of medical school
as i was preparing my residency
applications
i dared to submit a head shot of me
wearing my afro
my kinks and curls on full display for
the residency panel
and in that moment i began to heal the
disconnect
between who i was and who i presented to
the world
today i refuse to apologize for the
space that i
occupy in medicine and this allows me to
navigate my profession to a level of
excellence
and show up in this world with the
confidence and reassurance
that cannot be taken away but the
beautiful thing about all of this is
that it’s bigger than me
my advocacy has taken me on an
unbelievable journey
that has enabled me to educate tens
of thousands of people on the importance
of embracing diversity
and anti-racism efforts from tv
and radio summer camps and hospitals to
the provincial government
and even the canadian military
yet the most important conversations for
me were the ones that happened
in a cozy cafe in toronto over a hot cup
of coffee
with a young woman who just wanted to
know how to get into medical school
or the high schooler who wanted to find
their voice
share their story and make it in the
world
i came to understand and deeply
appreciate
the responsibility i’ve been given to
inspire and mentor
after receiving thousands of messages
over social media emails and even
letters from people
around the world who were thanking me
for sharing my story
they would say i am a lawyer i am a
doctor
i am a teacher and i wish i could have
spoken up
about what i had seen and what i had
faced
many of whom went on to cultivate safer
spaces
and introduced topics of
anti-discrimination into their
environment
i was told that watching me share my
story
empowered them to enter powerful spaces
or more importantly leverage their
privilege
to make their spaces safer and more
accessible for those on the margins
i also came to understand that part of
this responsibility means that when you
get your foot in the door
you hold it open for others and in june
of 2020
i learned that u of t had admitted 24
black brilliant medical students the
largest
cohorts in canadian history and i was
informed that
i’ve been referenced in a few
applications not just
at u of t but at other medical schools
who are now beginning to make their
admissions processes more equitable i am
so proud to be a part of a legacy at an
institution
that dared to make room for a
demographic on the margins
and by that same month despite the
hesitancies and warnings
i had matched to my top choice residency
program
and was graduating medical school as
valedictorian of my class
and finally finally became a newly
minted doctor
following this i was invited to join the
board of directors at
indigo books and music a powerful
company
with massive canadian influence who
dared to make room
for a young black female doctor to take
the stage
and as i enter that boardroom full of
well-esteemed and affluent
businessmen and women i dare to occupy
that space
confidently and authentically never
taking lightly the responsibility
i’ve been given to make impact on a
national scale
and as i think back to that moment when
i was asked to perform
my poem during my medical school
interview i wonder how differently
my story would have been had i said no
but instead i chose to stand in my truth
and this enabled me to unlock my
limitless potential
and capacity to change the world close
gaps in equity
and make opportunities for success
available to all
i wish i could have had the chance to
finish my poem for the cardiologist that
day
and so in honor of him i’d like to leave
all of you
with the ending of a poem that i’d
written and released in my second year
of medical school
entitled women black
women and black doctor and woman doctor
and black doctor black woman doctor
doctor we need a doctor is there anyone
on this place that can
help how can you be both doctor and
black woman i quickly say back i know
of nothing else than to become physician
in the face of doubt to be fearlessly
melanin when the world
begs otherwise and to be feminine when
my narrative is challenging my opinions
are called into question
i will stand at the intersection of my
identities and i will say
i am woman i am black i am doctor
and i am here
you