Becoming the Main Character of Your Story
[Music]
i’d like you to think
of the main character in your favorite
movie or book
think of the way they act think of the
way they
overcome obstacles think of the way
the director or author focuses on their
strengths on their greatest days
but also their weaknesses on their worst
days
as they progress through the traditional
hero’s journey
the protagonists of movies and books are
genuine and authentic in a way
that allows us as the reader and
audience
to get to know them so deeply in under 2
hours or 200 pages
now i’d like you to think of the last
tough moment in your life
when you really thought about giving up
and could only focus
on all of your weaknesses and failures
for some of you this may be hard to
recall
but how did you act how did you
overcome the impossible
did you fully embrace the challenge or
just wait for the challenge to pass
if you are struggling to answer these
questions i want you to ask yourself
this
do you believe you were being the main
character
of your own life
you may ask what does it mean to be the
main character
and how can you be the main character of
your own life
to best answer this look at your
favorite protagonists
being the main character means making
the active choice to be
your authentic self it does not mean
being defined by others views of you or
being shaped by the experiences that
you have no control over it means being
open to learn your innermost desires
and how you handle hard things such as
being alone
experiencing heartbreak or experiencing
the death of a loved one
it is about trying to learn who you
really are
and the motivations behind what drive
your passions
now i may have you convinced and you
might be thinking
okay i want to be the main character
but how do i do it
i’d like to share with you how i came to
understand this in my own life
most of the ideas from this talk stemmed
from one pivotal experience in my life
where i learned i had to become the main
character
growing up i often only thought of
myself
as the girl whose sister has cancer
when i was 10 years old my mom set me
and my 13 year old brother alfonso down
one day
to tell us that our sister josie who was
only
16 at the time had cancer
but unlike other relatives who passed
away from cancer
that she was going to be okay
my sister was my best friend and i
didn’t understand how she could have
cancer
i used to think to myself she probably
doesn’t have the same cancer that
everyone else has
right over the next five years
josie fought against her illness and we
were by her side
the entire time and over those five
years
she became the main character of my life
not because she stole the spotlight or
required much attention
but because i didn’t think anything in
this world was more important than my
sister winning her
fight my sister josie was courageous
and she cared about me and my brother’s
happiness more than anything else
we spent countless nights having
sleepovers and hospital rooms
creating friendships with josie’s nurses
and even celebrating birthdays and
christmas within four hospital walls
my parents worked their hardest to
create a little bit of normal
in our unique situation
when josie was 21 she passed away
and our little bit of normal crumbled
down to the ground
now you may ask what happens
when you lose the main character in your
story
well the story usually ends
but for me it was actually
just the beginning
i wish i could talk to my 15 year old
self now
and tell her that it was completely
normal to feel out of control
when navigating unchartered emotions
like the loss of a sister
and best friend at 15
i had to figure out how to be the lead
character
despite their turmoil and without the
help of my
big sister i cope through the loss of my
sister
by trying to figure out who i am what i
am passionate about
and who i wanted to be
remember the feeling of numbness in the
first few months following my sister’s
death
i found myself waiting for the moment it
would all
click and i would finally realize that
my sister is not coming
back but in waiting
i gradually felt myself becoming more
and more numb to my surroundings and
becoming less
and less passionate in what used to
really engage me
i didn’t want to see my friends i closed
myself off
and i was unsure when or if i would ever
stop
feeling this way ultimately
like many protagonists in books and
movies i was faced with two
paths and the choice to decide which i
wanted to head down
the safer route where i felt sorry for
myself
and my experiences and would ultimately
make sure that i never felt that same
emptiness again
or the other where i decided to live a
life
where i could grow and thrive
in the end i realized that i am the main
character
and it was time i started to act like
one even if my life did not follow the
traditional trajectory of a hero’s
journey
not immediately but over time i allowed
myself to feel the emotions of my
sister’s death
so i could slowly learn how to
rediscover my passions again
i started to make decisions that aimed
at appreciating
every opportunity so i could grow and
learn rather than running from change
i put my whole heart into my schoolwork
and after school activities
i even applied to a university in the
united states to study biology
despite living just outside of toronto
canada my entire life
i also got involved with and started
initiatives for cancer patients
here i am now not perfect or healed but
working on who i want to be
despite the challenges that tried but
ultimately
could not define me something i didn’t
realize immediately
but understand now is this concept from
brian tracy
an american canadian motivational
speaker who once said
you cannot control what happens to you
but you can control your attitude
towards what happens to you
being the main character means changing
your attitude
and finding what drives you beyond your
obstacles
this drive is commonly referred to as
intrinsic motivation
the reasons behind our motivation and
why we choose to do what we
do scientists have discovered that
intrinsic motivation focuses on the want
to feel
satisfied interested and joyful
the hope is we do the things we love
through our intrinsic motivation
contrary to extrinsic motivation which
focuses much more on the achievements or
rewards that come from an activity
so what’s your intrinsic motivation
what drives you to be the hero of your
story
deciding to be the protagonist can
happen at any moment in your life
it doesn’t always have to be when you
lose someone you love
it can happen when you get injured or
lose a romantic relationship or
friendship
it can happen when changing majors or
careers
or when going through a pandemic
and trying to figure out who you really
are when you’re not with anybody else
but it can also happen without a big
tragic or
life-altering event when we realize that
our actions do not align with the life
we aim to live
everybody has an identity that defines
them and completes their narrative
life is just about finding refining and
shaping
that very identity it is easy to
mindlessly live through each day
without actively experiencing the highs
and the lows
this can leave us feeling like we are
stuck in a routine
tired and lacking purpose but when we
choose to experience each day
by following our intrinsic motivations
we are actively choosing to
create our narrative if being the main
character is supposed to bring us so
much
happiness and fulfillment why do so many
people
not want to be the protagonist of their
own life
is it truly easier to sit back and watch
your life as a bystander or a background
character
than to truly and authentically
experience it
i think similar to what i experienced
in not being the protagonist i was able
to play it safe
avoiding what i could not control we
become
comfortable in this inaction rather than
doing what it will take to cause
change in our own life however this
inhibits our ability to grow as an
individual
in finding that sweet spot between the
extremes
we are able to flourish this is why i
challenge you
to find this growth through becoming the
protagonist of your life
the average person’s hero’s journey does
not follow the textbook standard
rising action climax and resolution that
we are all so familiar with
our lives are much more complex and are
an ongoing journey
unlike those from books and movies
so whether it be through a new hobby
exercise journaling or just talking to
others
it is important that you find what being
the main character means to you
in finding the motivation to overcome
challenges
we are able to work through the
discomforts and
foster growth in choosing to be the main
character of your life
you are choosing to support others in
finding the best versions of themselves
the best way to be there for your
friends and family
is to also be there for yourself
there’s enough space for all of us to be
our best version of the main character
you deserve to be the protagonist in
your life and i believe
you have what it takes hopefully
in finding what being the main character
means to you
you’ll find yourself right at the
beginning of a new chapter
rather than at the end of your story
thank you