Empower by Storytelling
i remember standing
on my grandma’s porch in the middle of
the summer
world spinning high pitch gasping
for air but not being able to breathe
deep down i knew that it must have been
my mind playing with me
as i had read somewhere that you can die
for consciously holding your breath
yet irrationally i still thought to
myself
this is it i’m going to die
i wanted to scream to scream to my
mother
my grandma the world help me
can’t you see i can’t breathe but
nothing came out
not a single word i couldn’t breathe
i couldn’t speak the funny part is
no one seemed to notice not my mother
not my grandma no one
i remember feeling completely voiceless
powerless invisible
voiceless powerless invisible
these three words pretty much sum up how
i felt this last six years
i’m a survivor of verbal emotional and
sexual abuse from my father
but more than that just like most women
i’m a survivor of an unjust
misogynist victim blaming system where
if you are rich white men you are
untouchable
who am i my name is andrea and i’m a 17
year old
passionate student at uwcsca
and this is my story
i’ve experienced quite early what
structural violence really feels like
i spent the last five years of my life
in courts in during
all this time i was made to believe that
i was the aggressor
and not the victim every time
my father would would use his social and
economic influence
to manipulate court officials and
services
the police and force systems everyone he
would come after me
everywhere i would go he would be
waiting outside my school
outside my house everywhere
it didn’t matter how many times me and
my mother change houses
because you’d always find out where we
were
i lived in pure fear and i felt
stuck suffocated
hopeless
that took me a long time to understand
is that
the child here was me and that fathers
are the ones who have the duty and
responsibility
to protect from harm but what happens
when we need protection from those who
are meant to protect us
as unbelievable as it sounds during all
this time
the child’s interest my interest
was never respected nor taken into
consideration
by any of the adults involved
my father judges
attorneys police officers
psychologists social care workers
everybody failed me the system
failed me during the last five years
all i ever heard was is your father
father there’s only one you just have to
learn how to accept it
and live with it or you’re just doing
this to hurt your father right
this is some kind of teenager tantrum
or oh your mother put you up to this
to punish your father
or even you didn’t mean it
he doesn’t understand what he did wrong
you have to talk to him you have to
teach him
how to be a father
and this is serious this culture of
normalization of violence
and abuse has huge effects on people
especially children it got to a point
where i actually started to question
myself i could no longer hear my own
voice
i would go through faces when i
literally couldn’t speak
they put me on the edge of serious
mental disorders
and dangerous deep faces of depression
eventually though i realized i had one
of two choices
i could either let it consume me
completely
or make sure that one day one day
my voice would eventually be heard that
i would not stop
until my voice was heard loud and clear
that i would not stop until there was
still 12 year old me
out there completely voiceless
and here i am giving a ted talk
in the other side of the world safe
and sound pun intended
well some of you might be thinking that
i’m crazy for exposing myself like this
in a ted talk of all places inside of
shrink’s office
but actually storytelling showing your
own story
has been shown to be incredibly powerful
for your own healing process
it is considered an effective method for
treating ptsd
as it helps you to make sense of what is
going on in your heads
in order to process events and i can
tell you it does work
as i’ve experienced it firsthand
the experience was so traumatic for me
at first
they completely shut down those memories
i would have panic attacks and not know
why
it’s like i started to remember in
pieces
to be honest i still do but if there’s
something
that i’ve learned by being constantly
forced to talk about it
and relive it over and over again
is that each time it would hurt less
and i would become better aware of what
had happened
for a long time i didn’t understand why
i felt this
repulse against my father in paralyzing
fear
i remember thinking there must be
something wrong with me
all daughters like their fathers why do
i like mine
meanwhile the panic attacks were
constant
so i went to a psychiatrist and she
asked me to write a letter to my father
not to actually give it to him
but to allow myself to release all the
emotions
and feelings i had been holding in for
so long
cursing enough it was in that moment
halfway through that letter
that pieces started to fall into place
and i realized what had occurred
even though i’m still healing i want to
share my story because another really
important factor in the process of
healing and self-empowerment
is knowing that you are not alone
when you share your story whatever it
might be
you end up finding people that have gone
through similar situations
or even if completely different
understand you and support you
actually studies have shown that when
you
put yourself out there and share your
story
you’re more likely to have a stronger
sense of belonging
well but wouldn’t that mean that we
be constantly putting ourselves in a
vulnerable situation
yes and that’s exactly my point
as i’m guessing many of you have all my
life
i’ve been hearing that vulnerability
equals weakness
that’s if we let ourselves be in a
vulnerable position
people are going to take advantage but
vulnerability is not a sign of weakness
vulnerability is a sign of courage
of strength and believe me when i tell
you
that everything i’ve ever achieved
being finally hurt in courts being able
to be here
at uwc everything
was was when i let go of all restraints
and allow myself to be vulnerable
i know it is easy to say it is
scary and yes it is also very painful
but a thing that many people still don’t
understand
is that it’s not about the other
person’s reaction
it’s all about you
it’s about self-empowerment
in fact when i was forcibly being
vulnerable
in courts to the police social care
well most of the time it was not that
well received
in part because of the strong social and
economic influence of my father
and in part because unfortunately there
are still
strong misogynist beliefs imbabed in our
society
in rooted in our justice system
but as much as receiving judgment when
telling your story
can be extremely hard and hurtful to
take in
at the end of the day it is still
incredibly empowering
even though i kept being judged
humiliated
marginalized wrong and sandbagged
i refused to keep being silenced and i
found the power within
to keep on going and share my story over
and over again until it could no longer
be ignored
or muffled actually
studies have shown a correlation between
being vulnerable
and having a stronger sense of
worthiness and confidence
moreover there is also indications that
the more you put yourself out there
and have the balls or i would say the
boobs
to be vulnerable the happier you are
not only can you be a happier more
confident
and empowered person as you can inspire
and empower
others to speak up and share their
stories as well
more importantly it can lead to change
in break cycles of oppression and
violence
you know the famous quotes of martin
luther king i have a dream
well as much as i do appreciate it
i must admit today i prefer my own
version
or the 2.0 version
now this is serena burke
burke was born in 1973 in new york city
in a low-income working-class family
she was raped and sexually assaulted
both as a child
and a teenager now
how many of you have heard about the
movement me too
she was the voice the story behind the
movement
it was because she was brave enough to
share a story
which was later set ablaze after a tweet
by the actress elisa milano
that tens of thousands of women have
come forward
and spoke up she gave voice
to many other women and paved the way to
countless more to come forward
at 2018 the new york times analysis has
found that only within a year
after harvest wine signs reports of
sexual harassment
and abuse at least 200 permanent men
have lost their jobs after public
allegations of sexual harassment
from which at least 920 people have come
forward
to say that one of these men had
subjected them to
sexual misconduct and surprisingly
nearly 50 percent of the men who were
replaced
were succeeded by women keeping in mind
that hollywood is still overwhelmingly
male and wide
so this was an important stepping stone
for
all women in this industry
however it was not
only in hollywood that there has been a
significant change
yale university has published a study
that shows that only within three months
after the movement was launched on
social media
there has been an increase of seven
percent of sex requirements reported
only within the us which is accounted
for an additional
four thousand six hundred cases
the researchers also examined the
movement’s effect
in 24 other countries and have found
that only in that three months initial
period there has been an increase of 14
sex crimes reported in these countries
representing an additional 11
600 new cases
so as you can see telling a story
your story is incredibly powerful
this was only possible due to the
courage of tyranna burke
and all the women who spoke up and
shared their story
breaking the cycle of oppression and
violence
on a different but similar notes as i’m
sure many of you know
this is george floyd floyd was a 46 year
old
african-american that was killed after
being arrested
by the police outside a shop in
minneapolis
chavin a white police officer kept his
knee on floyd’s neck
ultimately killing him
floyd’s last words i can’t breathe
have become a mantra against oppression
around the world
not only does it symbolize all innocent
african-american lives
taken by white police officers as it
represents
all victims of oppression that just like
me
refuse to keep being silenced
not only did blm gather enormous support
in the u.s
with an estimated 50 million to 26
million people
participating in protests in 2020
as they have taken place
in over 60 countries and in all seven
continents
however they were not able
to tell the stories themselves that
right was ripped away from them
together with their lives but their
story
is still alive it has had
and still has tremendous power
but why am i telling you my story and
all these powerful stories
because we often seek power outside
outside of ourselves
as if the magic solution is somewhere
out there
when truthfully it has been inside of us
all along our voice
is the most powerful superpower that is
your voice is powerful
your story is powerful
you are powerful
don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and
more importantly
don’t let anyone silence you even if
that someone
is you believe in yourself
and find the power within to keep on
going and share your story
whether you have suffered from sexual
abuse
racism homophobia
mental disorders or any other
challenging circumstance
don’t underestimate the power of your
story
you don’t need a huge story you have a
story
and any story is a powerful story
from someone has been deprived of a
voice for so long
i beg you use your voice
speak up share your story
for you for me for everyone
thank you