How Community Culture Influenced My Resilience
i’m sure
you’re familiar with the same it takes a
village to raise a child
it’s believed to have originated from
the nigerian culture
and proverb or na azuwa
which means it takes a village
or a community to raise a child
no one ever knew what i was going
through as a child or adolescent
but i experienced strong
sense of community that added value to
my life
i was born to a teenage mom and a young
vietnam vet
in our home there was never anyone
defined as a babysitter
because there was always someone there
older
than the youngest person there was
pornography sexual and physical abuse
mingled with neglect and rejection
only five years old on the last day of
my kindergarten
year my teenage uncle molested me for
the first time
and would frequently do so until i was
nine years old
at 14 i met my explorer
he was a local charismatic preacher
he groomed me and my family for months
by the time i was 15 we were having sex
that same year a high school boy
tried to rape me in my own bedroom he
was the guest of another family member
at 16 i was held at knife point in an
attempted rape
but i fought that night willing to die
instead
one in nine girls one in 53 boys
under 18 experienced sexual abuse or
assault
according to the rape abuse and incest
national network
or reign which is the nation’s largest
anti-sexual violence organization
82 percent of all victims under 18
are female
you’re born into your first community
your family where you learn a sense
of belonging your needs are both
individually and socially met it’s in
this community of family
that you engage in interaction or shared
emotional connections
like i love you are hugs and kisses
then there’s the culture that you’re
exposed to
culture is that acquired knowledge that
people use to interpret their
experiences
and generate behavior it’s learned
it’s like learning to lie or manipulate
to get a need met
i’m a strong advocate of community
because for some of us the sense of
belonging was never
realized now we know from years
of studies that everyone has a sense
or need to belong that’s why gangs are
formed
and young girls they tend to gravitate
towards smooth talkers
belonging is essential to adolescent
adolescent development my external
community consisted of
school sports and organizations like
girl scouts
within those spaces i developed social
skills
i got a sense of culture i had something
to compare my home life to
there were also individuals in my
community
that nurtured my resilience
just by being what i lacked at home
like miss shepherd the first black
teacher
in my hometown she didn’t have children
of her own
but she was intentional about the
attention she gave me
and i’d spend weekends with miss
she was a soft-spoken single mother of
four boys
with her i learned that correction
could be sweet and gentle and just
as effective and then there’s miss
jean and her dog sugar
she taught me grammar
and etiquette these women
along with many others became my tribe
they were my safe place
my mom she took care of me and loved me
the best she could what she couldn’t
give me was she never had
she was raised during a time where
parents had
large families they were providers
but not affectionate
those positive interactions within my
community
in my tribe they counteracted the
negative experiences
creating that bounce back mindset
i learned those things happen to me but
they
don’t define who i am i am beautifully
and wonderfully made
so now i propose the concept
of building a community of resilience
to introduce or re-introduce
sexual abuse survivors to the path of
discovering
who they are to give them
hope to help them realize that what
they desire in life with expectation
can be obtained or fulfilled
now we all have a god-given purpose
but we must change the narrative
and shift the mentality of survivors
that think that they don’t deserve any
better than what they’ve been dealt
so they’ll believe that love
true love first corinthians 13
love does exist and it’s their rights
my message is simple will you step
up and protect the vulnerable in your
community
or just say it doesn’t pertain to me
so i can’t get involved i pray not
because we can literally nurture
broken children with positive
interactions
making a difference in the world
begins with our communities
your neighbor you
thank you