The Stories We Tell Ourselves
[Applause]
[Music]
stories
hold a special place in the human heart
and mind they’re easy to remember
morally instructive and more often than
not
quite enjoyable so with that in mind i’m
going to share a number my personal
stories
with you today they all may differ from
one another
in the details but they share one big
thing in common
they can teach you a lot about me
because they taught me a lot about
myself
just a word of warning before we get
into them these stories cover some very
deep topic matter and they happened at
some of the most foundational moments
in my life so i caution you against
taking them
too lightly now
in first grade i peed my pants
there was nothing pretty about it but it
wasn’t my fault you see
see i’d asked the teacher if i could go
to the bathroom but she said i couldn’t
since there was somebody already out in
the bathroom
and that person well they were taking
their sweet
time so i just kind of sat there in
quiet agony
until before i knew it the deed was done
below me lay a giant clearish yellowish
puddle
and my pants adequately reflected the
situation as well
now i knew this meant two things one
there would be social repercussions
you see first graders aren’t allowed to
pee their pants
kindergarteners maybe preschoolers
definitely but first graders definitely
not
secondly i knew that if my teacher found
out well that’d be a whole nother basket
of goodies but i was a smart little boy
you see
i had noticed that just seconds before
my incident my classmate had dropped the
contents of his entire water bottle
all over the floor in fact his accident
was what allowed mine to go unnoticed
so when the teacher came over and asked
dave
what happened i quickly responded i
dropped my water
she didn’t buy it turns out water isn’t
yellowish
so she asked one more time david what
really happened and i said
that it was actually juice
she bought it she actually bought it she
brought me over to the side and she said
david
you know we don’t bring juice to school
and i said that i completely
understood there was no chance i would
do something so
irresponsible in the future and then all
the little kitties grabbed paper towels
and cleaned up my pee
i mean juice
so why do i tell this story well
i questioned the morality of my actions
that day you see i’d always been told
that lying was wrong
but i just saved myself a bunch of
headaches by doing just that
was it really worth it to tell the truth
and face social persecution at the hands
of vicious seven-year-olds
or were my actions justified
my little brain had stumbled upon an
ethical inquiry and i think about it to
this day
questions and life experiences like this
have encouraged me to study
philosophy and psychology and find out
how others have answered
what i like to call the pp problem
i might not always agree with what they
have to say but it’s always worth
hearing them out
for my second traumatic childhood story
we hop over to second grade
i was out there in class and it was
snack time so we kiddies had a little
free time to do as we pleased
two girls in the class said to each
other hey let’s go check out how our
plants are growing
and i being the ladies man that i was
and still am by the way
i said to them hey wait up and followed
after
now our plants were by the window
understandable they needed sunlight
after all
but also by the window was a table and
on that table were three things of
importance for this story
one a stack of folders two
a freshly brewed mug of coffee and three
a stack of freshly written papers now
in my great haste to catch up with my
lady friends
my arm had accidentally knocked into the
stack of folders
which in turn knocked into that mug of
coffee which in turn
spilled its contents all over those
essays
i was frozen there was no chance i could
lie my way
out of this one before i knew it the
teacher had re-entered the room
and was asking who did it suddenly
a group of 20 second graders encircled
me
he shot up their grubby little arms and
pointed their cheeto dusted fingers
straight in my direction
the worst part of it all the true dagger
in my back
was when my best friend austin joined in
he was the last to enter the circle but
i swear he was the proudest of them all
it was a true a2 brutus moment for me
now if any of you know me well you’ll
know that i’m often very critical of
myself
i spent the rest of snack time crying
into my goldfish
when i got home my mom could clearly
tell that something was wrong
she asked what had happened i said oh
nothing but she just kept digging until
i eventually
tearfully spilled the beans when she
heard what had happened
she said oh that’s it
accidents happen it was beyond your
control and after a few more hours of
sulking around
i started to agree with her and that’s
actually the biggest lesson i took out
of this one
it’s that sometimes things are beyond
your control
you can’t always bear the weight of the
world on your shoulders
the second lesson i took out of this if
i can put it metaphorically
is that you got to keep an eye on where
our limbs are at
don’t get so distracted by your goals
that you forget how you’re acting
on your journey towards those goals the
ends very rarely justify a moral means
and it’s those little actions repeated
day after day that make us who we are
not so-called rewards at the so-called
finish line
the last lesson i took out of this was
that you have to stick by your friends
even if everyone else is standing
against them you have to be courageous
and do what’s in their best interest
otherwise you might end up getting
called out in a tedx talk
now my last childhood story actually
occurred before the other two
but i mention it now because it could
have ended far far worse
i was about five years old at the time
and i was sat there on my living room
floor
next to me was my neighbor and her eyes
were glued to the tv
but mine were glued to far something far
more exciting my favorite toy
magnetics now magnetics were a modern
marvel
they were basically legos that harnessed
the awesome power of magnetism
and among them i had a favorite piece it
was a small magnetic ball
about the size of a marble i looked at
one of them
and in a stroke of sheer brilliance i
thought to myself
hey i could be a fountain
and since i had been told from a young
age to follow my dreams
i decided to give it a try i nudged my
neighbors said watch this
and then loaded three of them into my
mouth
i sent the first one out decent height
decent distance
but i knew i could do better i give the
second one a little more oomph and sure
enough it went a little higher and a
little farther
this last one this last one was going to
be the one
so i cocked that baby back further into
my throat than i had the other two
and i was ready to send it flying
unfortunately when i went to fire it
didn’t quite
exit the barrel stayed stuck in my
throat
rather deep in my throat at that thought
to myself hey no biggie i can just
swallow so i gave that a try
it didn’t work tried swallowing a little
harder
still didn’t work before i knew it i was
choking
but the funniest part about that was
that i didn’t know what choking was
at the time i tried to get my neighbor’s
attention
and show her what was happening to me
but her eyes had been drawn back to the
tv
turns out my show wasn’t very
entertaining
i eventually made eye contact with my
mother in the other room
and by this point i was purple she made
a huge commotion my grandmother came
running in
and she started the heimlich maneuver
and on the third thrust
that baby flew the farthest of them all
then and there i learned virtually
nothing from that event
my mom and dad told me i could no longer
play with magnetics i asked why
they said you almost died i said so what
needless to say i was far too young to
grasp the gravity of that situation
that i could have sustained serious
injury and that i could have even died
and that’s just it life can truly end at
any moment
on account of the most absurd things
and that’s why it’s so important to live
intentionally
to make every moment count but in order
to do this you need to figure out now
as opposed to later what you truly
believe in and value
to do this i’d encourage you to take a
stroll down memory lane yourself
see these lessons that i presented today
they’re especially important for me
because these events took place in my
life reflecting on the memories and
stories that come to your mind
will show you which lessons are
especially important for you
think back to a time when you didn’t act
like you know you should have
figure out what specifically went wrong
and resolve to making the right choice
the next time you find yourself in a
similar situation
but also important is to recognize when
you’ve gleaned most all useful
information out of a story
and now need to let go learn to forgive
yourself
because relentlessly beating yourself up
makes you weaker
not stronger and lastly
these stories have to do with what you
make of life’s purpose
whether you realize it or not that first
story
has me thinking about my desire to live
honestly and courageously
the second my desire to stay focused on
my goals
yet act consciously and graciously on a
day-to-day basis
and the last that encounter with death
there’s nothing that so effectively
forces us to take a step back
and consider our views about the
afterlife
god and the meaning of it all
think back in your life to a close call
like the one i had
or perhaps more effectively to the death
of a loved one
but this time don’t shy away from those
questions that come up
don’t just let them gradually subside
instead
work through them and continue to work
through them every day
of your life so what’s the big takeaway
well it comes down to this reflect
and resolve find out what you’ve been
trying to tell yourself
for so long and listen then
make the changes that will make you the
hero and all of your stories
and memories to come take
10 minutes out of your day today and
maybe 10 tomorrow
make a habit out of reflection because
we’re all depending on you to become the
best
version of yourself and hey
before you know it you’ll have grown
enough that you can confidently
and courageously say yes
that mysterious liquid on the floor is
my pee
thank you
you