Finding Your Inner Strength
have you ever imagined what it looks
like inside the mind of a teenager
i would suspect it looks something like
this
in this day and age it’s difficult for
teenagers and i think even more with
social media
and covid i’m going to tell you a story
that i’ve never told in this level of
detail about a 16 year old girl who
graduated from seminole high school
back in the 90s the story takes place
during her junior year of high school
so exciting things are happening she
just got on the varsity soccer team
her grades are excellent and really life
is perfect
the only thing that she has to worry
about is her homework and if the boy she
has a crush on is going to ask her out
but then she wakes up one morning and
life seems very different
she’s having trouble remembering almost
everything that’s happening
she goes to school and as she’s walking
through the hallways
she’s having difficulty finding what
class she should be in
and yet she can’t remember what class
she just came from
she woke up it’s like she woke up
and she was in the middle of this
nightmare where she couldn’t recall
anything
she decides that she’s going to go to
soccer practice and she anticipates that
things will normalize when she gets
there
but as she’s having difficulty dribbling
the ball between cones
her coach is getting frustrated
wondering why she’s not trying harder at
that drill
a drill that a week or two ago she could
do with ease
fear and anxiety set in her grades are
plummeting
and her days now are spent navigating
how to hide what is going on so she
doesn’t look different from her friends
especially the stutter that has started
while she’s speaking
it’s important to blend in in high
school
because kids can be cruel she carpools
to school with a group of girls
and while she’s standing around one day
she forgets if she had driven that day
one of the boys in the group said you’re
so stupid
you can’t even remember if you drove
your car to school today
and walks away laughing unfortunately
that’s how she felt stupid
she was 16 years old she just got her
driver’s license
and she couldn’t even remember where she
parked her car so she was terrified to
go anywhere by herself
over the next few months things continue
to get worse
her parents are awesome but they’re
wondering why she keeps coming up with
convenient excuses as to why she hasn’t
done her chores little do they know they
haven’t received all the messages her
teachers have left on the answering
machine
because she has become a magician at
coming home
and deleting them off before they get
home those are the same teachers
that are calling her up in class and
asking if she’s doing drugs
or if there’s anything bad happening at
home that she wants to talk about
it’s around this time that she falls
into a deep depression
her immune system breaks down so much
that she’s diagnosed with mononucleosis
and her doctor says that she needs to
stay home for six weeks on virtual
school
at that time there was no video or
anything like that
really just a speaker phone and she’s
happy to hide away at home
her mother knows something is going on
but she hasn’t quite figured out what it
is
so she makes a doctor’s appointment
after she recovers from the
mononucleosis
she goes to the doctor they do a scan of
her brain
where they put a bunch of electrodes on
and she actually looks like she stuck
her finger in a light socket when
they’re finished
her hair sticking out at all angles from
the sticky goo
but the doctor is able to give her
answers
the doctor tells her she’s had a brain
bleed and that she’s suffering from
post-traumatic head injury
you would think that by hearing this
news and knowing that what was going on
wasn’t her fault would ease her mind
but then the doctor tells her that the
brain takes years to heal
now she knows that really this is the
beginning
the nightmare has just begun and it
wasn’t ending anytime soon
what would you do if you were her
she can’t imagine going through one more
day of this
much less years
what would you say if i told you she got
through college
and that today she’s a cardiovascular
service line manager for a large 15
hospital system
standing in the shoes of that 16 year
old girl
i would have never thought that i could
be where i am today
the story that i just shared was my
story
when i was 16 years old i was a
passenger in a car accident on the way
home from soccer practice
at the scene i appeared fine to the
naked eye so they put my friend in the
ambulance and she was complaining of
neck pain
my parents came and picked me up and
they took me to the emergency room to
get checked out
upon entering the emergency room i was
told that they asked me all the normal
questions
what month is it can you count backwards
from 100 and then i could not even
perform these easy tasks
my mother told me that the emergency
room was decorated all in halloween
decorations
and i couldn’t even tell them that the
month was october
they did a cat scan and they told my
parents i had a concussion
and to take me home no
nothing to monitor nothing to look out
for but just that
she can stay home from school tomorrow
and rest maybe take a week or two off
from soccer
what i found out many years later
is that after an accident and a head
injury
a bleed sometimes will not show up for
up to 48 hours
so mine was missed these are my friends
from high school that helped me get
through this and i’m still friends with
all of them today and very grateful
the next three to four years after that
accident were grueling
the first two i barely remember any
events
what i do remember is how alone i felt
and how fun it looked like what
everybody else was having you know it’s
supposed to be the best years of your
life
high school i was so
angry and i felt so isolated from my
friends
i kept wondering why had this happened
to me it seemed so
unfair and then i was so guilty because
i was so angry
so many other people suffer much worse
injuries
when they have accidents but
i was able to move on from here and i
started going through the stages of
grief
i decided to go to college in tennessee
to get away from it all a fresh start
but i’m here to tell you whatever issues
you have
they follow you wherever you go i did
however
meet the first love of my life that
helped me through
much of this time once i hit the
acceptance stage
i started investigating what had
happened to me trying to understand it
better what do i need to do to get past
this
and i became fascinated and by the
medical field
i was blessed to be accepted into the
cardiovascular technology program
at santa fe community college and i
graduated when i was 21
into a career that i absolutely fell in
love with
i’m still extremely passionate about
this today
i worked hard in the hospital moving up
to the position that i’m in now
and i think being in this accident made
me more empathetic
and compassionate for people i learned
to listen more and talk less
i learned that you never know what
people what is going on with somebody
around you
you have no idea so above all else
be kind i think teenagers more than any
other age group
are stereotyped into this oh they’re
just moody
teenagers are the greatest keepers of
feelings and secrets
and now with instagram and snapchat
everybody’s life looks so great when i
know
many people are probably struggling on
the inside
you don’t have to experience what i
experienced
to feel overwhelmed or hopeless or
depressed
if you’re feeling this way talk to
someone
it doesn’t have to be a best friend if
you’re feeling like things aren’t
getting better
talk to somebody else it took me years
to find a counselor that i finally
connected with
that helped me realize that i was
had this huge fear of failure
and she also helped me realize my
strengths
i have the luxury of looking in the
rearview mirror at this point
i would never would have imagined all
the joy
that i would have in my life that i
would be able to become a mother to two
amazing children
that i would have a career where i learn
new things
every single day i’ve seen beautiful
places
and i’ve made amazing memories
with friends and family
things will get better
nothing ever goes on the timeline that
you would expect it to
that car accident was the worst
and the best event of my life i would
not wish it on my worst enemy
but what it did do is it let me realize
how strong i was i had no idea the
strength that i had
that persistence pays off that out of
failure and mistakes
comes learning and improvement
one of my most favorite recent quotes
that i heard a childhood friend say is
no one gets to the top of a mountain
by being gently lowered from the clouds
you will do
amazing things and you do not know
when you’re 16 years young what that
means
it will take hard work it will take
persistence and it will take caring for
people
but it will be worth it
if anything that i have said resonates
with you today
know that if i can do it you can do it
for many years i didn’t feel normal this
is actually a birthday card i got for
one of my best friends that you saw in
that earlier picture that i grew up with
there are people that are there for you
even though you don’t feel it at the
time
they are there for you my final message
would be
hold your friends and family close to
your heart
and share what you are feeling i went
through some dark times
and i thought things could not get
better what they did
they did get better
and if someone is listening to this as
feeling the same way
one day you will wake up maybe not on
the timeline you would like
but you will wake up and you will feel
better and you will have a beautiful
life too
thank you