Awakening to your own definition of success
[Music]
i
am a success i’m a business systems
analyst
i’m a professionally trained makeup
artist
but i’m also a proud author of four
published books these are not the only
reasons
that make me a success i’m a narratives
changer
i’m a try builder i am love
and i’m a storyteller now you’re
probably sitting there wondering
why am i telling you these things some
of you perhaps
even judge me who says that how
obnoxious
but i am a success in case you didn’t
hear me the first time
and i’m here to share my story that
you probably find intriguing i grew up
in lusaka zambia
let’s just call it society or culture
and that society that i grew up in said
to me
the steps to success are go to school
get an education graduate and get a job
get promoted get married have babies
have more babies build your dream house
and then you’ll live
happily ever after that was the formula
right a to-do list that society gave to
me
to check off every time i accomplished
one task
and then i moved on to the next one
when society said go to school
that i did i learned how to read
write and speak unfortunately
the school that i went to wasn’t
equipped to teach me about child abuse
so i did what culture does and to sweep
that under the carpet
and remain silent about it
like some of you this is just one
example
of the many things i’ve had to deal with
as a girl
growing up in this society
when society said get a job i applied
for a job
but there was society rejecting every
job application
telling me i’m under qualified or
overqualified
or not qualified at all get promoted
society even dared me
but the same society mocked me a
woman in i.t management
i remember sitting in a job interview
once
with 11 men on an interview panel
and one of them said to me now tell me
which husband would allow his wife
to leave their marital bed in the wee
hours of the morning to save the world
somewhere between getting married
and having babies my life came to a
sudden hold
it was a saturday afternoon
i went to bed about 1pm because i felt
extremely tired and i had this
relentless headache for weeks
i slept throughout that afternoon and
throughout the night
until the next morning when my alarm
clock woke me up
at 7 00 am i lay in bed awake
but i couldn’t move i couldn’t wiggle my
fingers
i couldn’t wiggle my toes there was no
movement coming from my body
after about an hour or so i managed to
get movement in my body again
and i went to the hospital i was
admitted
and the doctors diagnosed me for scanty
malaria
but what they couldn’t figure out was
why my temperature
spiked to 39 degrees every 3 p.m
and 3 a.m of each day a week
later i was discharged and sent home
and the following day i remember sitting
in a room
and watching through a window as my
sister’s kitchen party event took place
i couldn’t stand or sit for long periods
of time so i was unable to attend the
celebrations
at 3 pm my temperature spiked again
but this time those those something
different
i felt like i was going to die so i
quickly rushed to the hospital
upon arrival the male nurse took my
temperature
which read 41.2 degrees that’s like
0.8 degrees from being declared brain
dead
so here i lay now in a hospital bed
with tubes attached to my body and an
oxygen mask to aid my breathing
the doctors said all my organs were
failing
and all my senses had escaped me except
for one
hearing and no matter how much the
doctors tried to whisper
i heard them say to my family we have
done
all we can there’s a 50-50 chance that
she’ll make it
imagine lying in a hospital bed
uncertain of tomorrow
because the doctors couldn’t find out
what was wrong
and tomorrow turned into more days and
these days turned into more weeks
i no longer felt like this once
confident woman
because i couldn’t meet society’s
expectations of me
my life had come to a sudden halt
and i felt robbed of my job title my
finances
business had halted i had nothing more
to show for my achievements
all these questions began to bubble
through my head
hospital beds do that to you and i asked
myself
despite society’s expectations
who are you what defines you
what do you believe and why
do you believe the things that you
believe
what is your truth
what was my truth all i knew
was what society expected of me and that
was the definition of success
and as more weeks went by the doctors
gave me more cocktails of medication
i had to learn how to walk again but i
was in so much pain
if i have to describe the pain that i
was feeling
for any of you that have experienced a
toothache
or slid a disc or even tore an achilles
tendon
any pain associated with nerve pain
now add to that the feeling of walking
on hot coals
needles and pins your muscle pulling at
the same time
a sharp pain all bundled up in this one
bowl of pain constant over an
undefined period of time that is the
sort of pain i experienced
when i had to learn how to walk but step
by step each day
i took a few more steps than the
previous day
i began to realize that as long
as i walked a few more steps each day
than i did yesterday
then that was a success learning how to
walk was exhausting
so when i felt tired and i fell asleep
that pain instantly shook me and i
stayed awake at night
and i realized that despite my setback
i could do something about it that’s
when i began to write my books
i wanted to be the voice of those
suffering in silence
besides this experience wasn’t something
i wanted to remain silent about
and as i continued to learn how to walk
i decided this time
i didn’t just want to walk through life
but i just wanted to fly
and so when i began to apply for jobs i
wanted to push myself beyond the
boundaries that i’d set for myself
in my own limiting mind i realize that
sometimes you have to take the jobs you
don’t want
to eventually get to the jobs that you
deserve
and sometimes those jobs that you
absolutely hate
those are the jobs that count because
they’ll teach you the best skills to
last you
all of your career and even lifetime
after a year of recovery
i discovered my own
version of success and that was to be
authentically me and in being authentic
i learned the value of self-care
self-care meant to me listening to a
word of encouragement
reciting positive affirmations i can
i will i’m doing speaking to a support
group that i felt safe with
and i trusted seeking a professional
to help me through my unresolved traumas
exercising and resting and dancing
like no one’s watching because when that
music of life suddenly holds
who knows dance you will know more
eventually the doctors found out what
was wrong with me
i ate raw fish that had bad bacteria
and at the time i was the 16th case
reported worldwide
so you see i am a success
i chose to deconstruct society’s
expectations of me
and discover who i was meant to be
the moment i was born and then allow
myself to write my own story of success
in a positive way that inspires others
to do the same
and you can too you can throw that list
away with all its expectations
and timelines because we’re not just
human beings
but we’re humans still becoming
and i think what that means is there is
no one formula
there is no one to do list every single
one of us
is as unique as a fingerprint and cannot
be boxed
but should be allowed to write our own
stories of success
i have my definition of success
what is yours i am a success
are you i leave you with a quote
by annie sweeney a former president of
disney
and she says define success
on your own terms achieve it
by your own rules and build a life
that you are proud to live thank you
[Music]
you