The Success of Trauma How Challenges Make Champions
[Music]
something we all can relate to
is being born it must have been a
traumatic experience
because most of us came into the world
crying when laughter is an emotion too
right when was the last time you seen a
baby
laughing fresh out of the womb i think
it would be quite humorous to witness
and i would love to see it
maybe you were bullied survived a
disaster
or sexually verbally or emotionally
abused
all of these incidents are traumatizing
and not
addressing trauma can do several things
it can create difficulty to succeed in
school
it can hinder work productivity it can
be damaging to relationships with
oneself and
others it also increases violence
while shortening lifespans i’ve
experienced trauma firsthand and
i somehow remain optimistic about the
future
born and raised mostly in inglewood on
the south side of chicago
a community notoriously known for its
crime drugs
alcohol and sexual abuse i had a
courtside view of
drive-by shootings gang violence poverty
and more trauma could have made my life
lands
a little blurry but it paved a way for
limitless possibilities
i believe trauma can make you successful
yes you we hear about the devastating
effects of trauma
ptsd and its negative impact i’m here to
reveal the
success of trauma by presenting a new
form of ptsd
a post-traumatic success do-over
where you can clear your mental runways
and prepare for takeoff with clearer
skies
in your life speaking of skies
i was born on the 4th of july a day
where fireworks decorates our skylines
across the nation
it can also be a day where many are
traumatized
by the sounds reminiscent of gunshots
and bombs on battlegrounds
birthday my father told me that the
fireworks were
all for me and i believed him until the
second grade
imagine being in class learning about
those fireworks we’re actually a
celebration of independence day
and not you well let me tell you i did
not like the lie that my teacher was
telling my classmates on july 4th 1776.
so what did i do i walked up to her desk
and told her that she was wrong
and that the fourth of july was my
special day because my daddy
told me so and she told me miss love
have a seat and discuss this matter with
your father
when you get home i was traumatized
well not really but my daddy seemed to
be pretty agitated that she didn’t just
stick to a script that
she hadn’t been provided with what a
memory
if i listed every category of trauma
that i could think of
and i asked you to raise your hand if
one of them were applicable to
a moment in your life i believe that
most hands will be raised
because studies reveal that three out of
four people will experience some form of
trauma
before adulthood now i was taught to get
on the ground
when i heard shots fired as a little
girl i was in the middle of a shootout
for the first time
playing at the playground the second
time on my way to the neighborhood
grocery store and the third of many
father’s day weekend when i was
returning home
you see i know exactly what it’s like to
see someone pull the trigger
with the intent to kill this shouldn’t
be normal
and these are not memories that i’m fond
of nor memories i can erase
in summer of 1993 my brothers ricky
irvin and i lost our mother at the ages
13
9 and 4. that altered our lives
tremendously because she was only 29
when she passed away
and if you’re wondering she passed of
kidney failure and cardiac arrest
after she passed on i was raised in
several households fortunately with
family
love y’all i attended many elementary
schools
seven to be exact transferring between
four different schools in eighth grade
on four different sides of town in
chicago
i ended up attending two additional high
schools as well
i want you to understand that i
witnessed
and was exposed to far too much within
the first decade of my life
my second wasn’t much easier
every few months i would read headlines
in the local news highlighting someone i
loved dearly
or knew personally and it wasn’t for
good accolades
but because they were murdered many
memorable success stories have some form
of trauma attached to them
think about your favorite celebrity
who’s divide the odds
or a paralympian athlete like a blind
swimmer
or a socially enterprising entrepreneur
who champions for a cause that he or she
is committed to in many instances
it was their trauma that fueled their
success
mine surely fueled mine
my teen years were years where i was
exposed to true leadership
because i was never a follower i did my
own thing
in high school i became president or
vice president over
many extracurricular activities
including junior and senior class
i even presided over every student
council in the city of chicago
through the chicago district student
council association
so those of you who thought i wasn’t in
class enough in high school
well now you know why my traumatic life
skills
taught me to successfully navigate new
life experiences
my high school principal and school
counselor
were two of the first people to invest
in my personal development
and ironically enough i graduated high
school most likely to succeed
these experiences led me to creating my
achievement lifestyle brand called
success junkie
where i help people turn their traumas
into success stories
that inspires them and others to
persevere
my college years were something special
let me tell you
there i was at the largest catholic
vincentian catholic university in the
country
excited to build my future and one night
i had to run out of class to the
restroom
but i didn’t make it there because i
vomited all over the hallway floor and
later on found out i was pregnant
the rest of college was spent with a
baby boy on the way and a new kid on
campus
this was not my idea of success
i literally raised my son anayas at
depaul university nursed him in my
lecture halls in the back of class
took him to my campus jobs in the
dormitories where my boss allowed me to
do so
i was getting my degree no matter what
and sure
i was embarrassed being one of the women
who looked like me on campus appearing
to be
the statistics society could have set me
up to become
i used to tell my son he’s been to
college already because
we got my degree together and today he
holds a 4.6 gpa in high school
the next 10 years after college were
very trying
to say the least i was trying to find
myself
still how many of you do that
from time to time i think we’re always
trying to find
something just like i’m always trying to
find my keys even though i purchased a
hook to hang them on
that i never use that decade after
college was full of highs
lows eviction notices heartbreak
and more allow me to fast forward to
super bowl sunday 2017.
i had just completed speaking at a big
event and celebrating at an after party
while watching tom brady
lead an epic comeback in overtime
against the falcons
i missed a few calls thinking maybe that
was my dad calling me about the game
because i saw his name
and i answered the next call that came
in and i was advised to rush to the
hospital
i wasn’t even aware that my dad had been
admitted a few days prior
i was furious confused and hurt because
that was the last day he would be able
to speak and i wouldn’t make it to hear
his voice
when i arrived he was on life support
and i was devastated
we had countless tests ran and an
emergency biopsy performed
only to reveal that he was in his fourth
stage of cancer
with several other ailments that made
his condition worse
three days later on february 8 2017
it was on me to decide that my father
would never breathe
again that was one of the most of many
traumatic days of my entire life now
remember what my dad told me about the
fourth of july well
about a month prior he was in the
hospital and he told me a story about
when he was 10 years old and
at this point i’ve been his daughter for
32 years and he’s never shared this
story with me about
him going to the carnival or amusement
park
on the 3rd or 4th of july i don’t
remember the exact date
but what i do know is he found money on
a ride
and he was so happy to get home
to share his excitement with his mother
my grandmother i wouldn’t get a chance
to meet
however she wasn’t home because she was
at the hospital
and she passed away on july 5th 1974.
now i understand why he loved collecting
coins so much
i learned the reason um that he told me
i was so special on july 4th because
he himself was traumatized every
independence day
until i was born 10 years later
he called me his new beginning and
that’s what we’re here to discuss today
new beginnings because trauma is the
response to a deeply distressing
or disturbing event that overwhelms an
individual’s ability to cope
causing feelings of helplessness while
diminishing
sense of self post means
past tense or after the fact traumatic
is anything that’s emotionally
disturbing and success
success is the accomplishment of aim
or purpose and a do-over is the
opportunity
to create something new a post-traumatic
success do-over
requires you to face that trauma head-on
because when trauma is properly
addressed
it can create less difficulty to succeed
in school
it can boost productivity in the
workplace and in business
it can foster healthier relationships
while decreasing violence
and lengthening lifespans today
is your day to remove your mental glass
ceiling
and begin where everyone sees their
challenges as the end
so you can become a champion i like to
diagnose you today with ptsd where you
can grant yourself permission to succeed
without self-sabotage in hindsight of
2020
i have a vision for you for years to
come where you can
re-engineer your mindset and press the
reset button
only to realize that the sky is not the
limit
but where you start the next time
that you think of ptsd i need you
to think differently pt
sd not post traumatic
stress disorder but maybe you just need
a post traumatic success
do-over thank you
[Music]
you