Toxic Behaviors We All Have Them
[Music]
[Applause]
i have a story for you
about a girl who met this guy that was
condemned by society
because of his emotional outrages and
lack of compassion
he hurt her he manipulated her
he forced her during what he wanted of
her
he put her in danger but then he saved
her
so she forgives him they fall in love
happily ever not quite
see if we had the chance we’d probably
tell her to run
as far away as possible from this toxic
man but what if i told you
that her name is belle and the man
is beast well then that makes it
different
right maybe because he suddenly became
an
awesome guy and they were perfect for
each other
but just like how teacups don’t turn
into cute boys and
candles don’t sing miracles like this
simply
don’t happen in real life
good evening everyone my name is mama
korenwatna
and today i’m here to talk about how
toxic relationships
and behaviors are tolerated and prevail
in our society
overlooked ever present
normalized our society glorifies toxic
relationships through movies
media and what is labeled romantic
let’s take a look for example at one of
hollywood’s ultimate love stories
the story of alia noah the notebook
i’d have to admit that i too thought the
notebook was the story
of my dreams but let’s truly analyze
what happened here
noah wrote aly 365 letters
one letter for each day for a year after
she left him
now it may seem as if he loved her so
dearly and couldn’t be without her but
the truth is
he was being obsessive and not
respecting her boundaries
and there’s the volatility with them
going from slapping
to kissing and there’s manipulation
with noah threatening to commit suicide
and
there’s physical abuse with ali punching
and pushing him
arguments these glorifications make us
find excuses for toxic behaviors and
tolerate them
sometimes even making it something
desired
but i understand what it was like to be
in an unhealthy relationship
and how that affected my emotional
health and well-being
and trust me when i say there’s nothing
glorious about it
but i’m not here to share my personal
stories i’m here to talk about how i
identify
the signs of a toxic relationship and
how you can too
according to leadership coach lolly
dasco signs of a toxic relationship
include feeling like you need to change
to please the other person
feeling like you can’t do anything right
and like you aren’t enough
feeling like you need to save or fix
them or
like there’s some sort of constant
uncertainty about what they’re going to
do next
but at the same time it’s not always
that extreme
see there are also subtle and typical
toxic behaviors
that are found commonly in almost all
kinds
of relationships in fact there are
behaviors that
everyone in this room is guilty of
so how do we identify them
according to clinical psychologist
samantha rodman these toxic behaviors
include
constant blaming passive regression
hyper-criticism constant negativity
judgment manipulation
threats inconsistency
and gaslighting
now take a moment to truly reflect on
your own actions
because there might be a toxic behavior
that’s never even crossed
your mind because i know it took
me a while to identify these behaviors
within myself and work on them
but why is all this important anyway
well other than the emotional
consequences of toxic relationships
studies summarized by tech medicine of
usc show that there are physical effects
too in fact toxic relationships can
increase your heart problems
and compromise your immune system with
your body always being in a fight or
flight
mode and now that we understand all this
we might think we never find ourselves
in the extreme range experiencing
manipulation
threats and abuse but it’s actually more
common
than you might think one of three people
will experience an
unhealthy relationship in their lifetime
so if not the two people next to you
then you
one of three that’s how common it is
and i may only be 17
but i’m one of those three and it might
just be people like me
and over analyzing overthinking
hypersensitive but fairly logical
teenager who
just might know the situation very well
see
i’ve been at a place where i’ve
distanced myself from my family
friends and goals
but after choosing to identify my toxic
behaviors and recognizing that i was in
an unhealthy relationship
i’ve since managed to discover my flaws
and my strengths and embrace both
so how can we work towards that for
everyone
well it’s simple really if you identify
with any of the toxic behaviors
just notice them and work on them but
if you find yourself in a toxic
relationship mt kristen fuller suggests
healing by maintaining a good support
group
being open about your experiences
don’t feel shameful and avoid self-blame
because it’s not your fault
and if you’re helping someone heal from
a toxic relationship
make sure to always meet their doubts
with confidence
be there to support and understand them
give them time to heal and help them
learn
to trust again
and trust me healing is important
i promise it’s important because without
having found the strength and support to
be vulnerable
i would have been trapped in a place
that’s impossible for the self-love
and growth i’ve managed to seek
we need to help individuals heal and
foster healthy behaviors
such as communication trust
support respect honesty
and individuality because it’s the kind
of relationship
that helps us become the best version of
ourselves
it’s the kind that empowers us to
embrace our full potential
empowers us to make change
empowerment that leads to the radiation
of positive energy
and in essence creates a greater sense
of humanity
in which we all can thrive
and hopefully now after we identify our
toxic behaviors
and help each other foster healthy
relationships
we’ll all be able to find our true and
healthy
happy ever after
thank you
you