Black Trans Female Empowerment
[Music]
this
is a viral photo of a black woman
standing nude in the middle
of the streets of new york city with the
words
the powerful words stop killing
us painted all over her body
it’s been shared over tens of thousands
of times
on social media this woman
brave bold unapologetic
is me she is the manifestation
of a nerdy little black theater kid
being bullied for being too girly
wait a minute you’re so pretty
no way are you serious
it may or may not seem like it but yes i
am
a proud trans woman
everyone’s talking about it i was
preparing to share my experiences
in dating cisgender heterosexual men but
we would be here
all night girl
i met this guy girl i met this guy
on tinder he’s so good looking and we
have so much in common
he likes shark tank i told him i was
trans he asked me where i was traveling
to
that’s really happened and even though
the word means
across from point a to point b i digress
we’re constantly
evaluating how men see us do they see us
will they see us but how do we see
ourselves
the residual effects of being measured
by having a man
in 2020 still linger for cis women
trans women and femmes we are worth
so much more than that i love how
author and speaker sonia renee taylor
says
radical self-love is not a conditional
experience
it’s our inherent existence
this is our birthright
so why do we fight that
what are the ways to radical self-love
for a black
trans woman
i am a chicago-born georgia raised
inhabitant of new york city a transplant
that actually made it out as long as i
could remember i wanted to get out of
the bible belt and find my own utopia
i grew up different thinking different
knowing i would always be different
there was no lgbtqia plus
there was just normal and weird
i embraced being different because i had
something to prove
i tried hard to be accepted but the only
thing reflected right back to me was
myself
it forced me to face my own music
i had to be willing to feel all of that
pain
and take responsibility for all of my
feelings
you know i believe the reason most lgbtq
plus
people are successful in their lives is
because we are overachievers
we channel so much of our trauma into
our professions that at some point
all of the negative energy we’ve
internalized comes
blasting out in the form of let’s say a
gold medal
or a world record
and when you feel like the weight of the
world is on your shoulders
nothing you do is good enough so you
overcompensate
we spend our development seeking
validation instead of
growing into our purpose and just what
being ourselves
these days folks share how it started
and how it’s going but don’t you want to
know
how you got there
these are my four ways to radical
self-love for a black trans woman
one be aggressive with yourself
because you are the focus be proactive
in getting
what you need for you because no one is
going to do it for you
no one’s going to build it for you i
used everything going against me
to fuel my own experience
i remember thinking as a teen
i’m not who or what i’m supposed to be
yet but
i’m gonna get there so i forged forward
with so much intention and determination
as trans folks we take hold of the reins
of our lives
we just paint our own picture of
ourselves that has yet to be created
i often say
no one can take away my womanhood
because no one gave it to me i earned it
i worked for it and i kept believing in
myself
nurturing it even while people pitched
their opinions at me
i literally endured years of being told
i would never but i did
and here i am
two don’t give a duck
how many times is autocorrect told you
ducking when you know good and well
that’s
not what you were talking about that’s
frustration
give no ducks stop giving weight
to the small stuff there will be way too
many mental roadblocks
silence those little voices that stand
between you
and your own personal greatness zora
neale hurston says
i have the nerve to walk my
own way however hard in my search for
reality
rather than climb upon that rattling
wagon of
wishful illusions
what does that mean create your own path
fear and adversity will always get in
your way
but push it to the side
i like to say what’s meant for me is
meant for me
as a black trans woman there are people
constantly wanting to love on me but not
walk with me
duck them because it’s all a ducking
illusion
i’m right here where i’m supposed to be
number three ethically non-monogamous
joy polyamorous joy
it sounds alarming doesn’t it yes well
what is that this is just my version
of unconventional ways to self-love
don’t compare yourself to other trans
women take care of your body
challenge the need to hold on to all
those things from your past
let them go things don’t always show up
the way that
you expect them to kind of like men and
dating
we’re taught from an early age that
things are supposed to happen
in a very specific way and maybe they’re
not
maybe that’s the lesson
to think outside of the box
because what we thought it was is
oftentimes not what it really is there
is just too
often a shortage of black trans joy
even as murder rates consistently
increase
we must work on ourselves every day
while prioritizing our happiness
trust me we need all of the help we can
get
and number four sisterhood
i save this for last because it’s so
unbelievably important
radical self-love for black trans women
is rooted in our connection to each
other
this is what gets us through the world
sometimes
second by second minute by minute
my sisterhood is my lifeline
every week i have a virtual check-in
with my girls
the most unedited lesson-sharing
conversations
you could ever imagine yes
[Laughter]
we revive each other
it gives me identity community and a
safe space to
be seen and nurtured
if it were not for the amazing talented
and grounded women in my life
i don’t know where i would be i wouldn’t
be standing here
to love yourself unapologetically
practice it maintain mental and physical
wellness by examining things
that you’re afraid of make those scary
choices
seek different answers step out of your
comfort zones and try new tactics
that’s exactly how we bridge the gaps
within ourselves
i encourage each and every one of you
to never deny your truth but befriend it
be aggressive with yourself don’t give a
duck
have that open relationship with joy
and set up your squad goals
because no matter where you come from or
who you become
there is a value to feeling out of place
because that allows you to make your own
thank you