How To Speak With Confidence Reclaim Your Voice
[Music]
can you remember a moment
when you were afraid to say how you
really felt
it’s understandable it’s scary to put
yourself out there
the fear of public speaking is commonly
ranked as one of the top
fears jerry seinfeld even observed
that the fear of public speaking was
number one
number two was death death was number
two
that means to the average person if you
had to be at a funeral
you’d rather be in the casket than
delivering the eulogy
so why is it that people fear speaking
public
they’re afraid to say the wrong thing
they’re afraid
to speak their truth but when you don’t
speak your truth
you hold back from going for what you
want so you have massive regrets in your
life
you tolerate things that you shouldn’t
tolerate
and you make less money according to a
study from columbia university
the fear of public speaking has a 10
impairment
on wages and if you’re an entrepreneur
it would likely cost you much more than
that
because when you don’t say what you do
people can’t find you
but when you don’t speak your truth you
also hurt the people around you
because you’re a role model and so they
look at you and they learn
that they shouldn’t speak up or they
unknowingly hurt you
because you never say what you really
want
and all of this creates a negative
ripple effect in your life
in our communities and in the world
now many people would say i’d like to
speak my truth but
i’m shy i’m introverted it’s not
possible for me
but as children most of us we spoke our
truth
i mean you can’t stop kids from speaking
their truth so if as children
most of us were freely self-expressed
but then as adults
most of us are afraid to speak our truth
what happened
we lost our voice
but the number one biggest fear that
people have can be overcome with one
skill you see the reality is that
speaking in public or speaking your
truth it’s a skill
and like any skill when you have a
step-by-step process you can learn that
skill
the more you practice that skill the
faster your fear of public speaking
drops
and your speaking confidence increases
how do i know this i learned it and
teach it
every day you see i struggled with
anxiety and panic attacks
for many years and i was afraid to tell
people
what i needed i was afraid to put myself
out there and i never got the help that
i needed
because i was afraid to be judged the
worst parts for me were the shame
the isolation and the feeling of
hopelessness
and so i started speaking my truth and
letting other people know
because then maybe they wouldn’t feel
alone maybe they wouldn’t feel
the hopelessness that i felt and what i
found was that i constantly put myself
out there i started to get more
confident but when i first started
speaking
i would have anxiety talking about my
anxiety panic attacks
talking about my panic attacks i could
appreciate the humor in it now
and what i learned was the secret to
overcome the fear of speaking the truth
and the fastest most effective way
to get that ability is to reclaim your
voice
reclaim your voice is when you gain the
ability to speak your truth
no matter the fear of other people no
matter the judgments
no matter the the situation that comes
up and no matter the fear that you feel
inside
when you do this this is where we get
powerful
now the key to reclaim your voice is
that there’s three steps
step one is find it step number two
is own it and step number three is
amplify it
so where is your voice
well it’s usually hidden under the many
layers of armor that we created
to protect ourselves from being hurt
from feeling judged
or not feeling safe to speak you see to
find your voice it’s not about the words
that other people want to hear
it’s about connecting with what you
really want and this could be
how you really feel what you believe
or what you what you want in your life
to own to find your voice it’s about you
connecting with what you really want and
giving yourself permission nobody will
ever tell you that it’s safe to speak
this is about you giving yourself
internal permission to put yourself out
there
and the more that you do that it’s so
powerful because you and reinforce
that your words matter and that you
deserve to be heard
now one of the biggest fears that comes
up with finding your voice is
you know how am i going to come across
and it’s vulnerable to put yourself
out there because what are people going
to think when they hear my truth
i remember one of the first times that i
found my voice
it was in the second class of a martial
arts program i signed up for
all of a sudden we’re training it’s
going good and then my heart rate starts
going up
my chest tightens and it feels like the
walls are closing in on me
i panic i push my partner off and i run
to the lobby and i collapse
face first on the floor
then i hear a voice lucas what’s going
on
it’s danny the head instructor i feel a
hand
on the back of my shoulder don’t tell me
you’re fine
you see i would tell people that i was
fine to keep them away from finding my
truth
but in this moment i realized that i
couldn’t run anymore
that i was exhausted after 15 years of
avoidance
of sharing my truth i was done and so i
opened up
and i gave myself permission to speak my
truth for the first time
danny sometimes i have panic attacks my
mind raced thinking
what’s going to happen is he going to
laugh at me is he going to judge me is
he going to kick me out
and if he kicks me out i better get a
refund on that one year of training that
i paid for
you see danny spoke his truth don’t tell
me you’re fine
but he said it with compassion and that
compassion allowed me to feel safe
enough
to finally open up and release the
burden that i’d carried for 15 years
he then said seven words that changed my
life forever
what do you need to feel safe
what do i need to feel safe why does a
stranger care
why does he want to help me
i sat with it and i asked that if a
drill gets too intense can i stop it he
says yes
absolutely put your arm up and i’ll stop
it immediately
and i continue training there for the
next two years and that shred of control
allowed me a safe environment to face my
fears of panic attacks
to gain my confidence and to regain
control of my life
but more importantly it showed me that
your right words
are your true words and that there are
people that care
and want to help you but they must hear
you
and that when you give yourself
permission to speak your truth the right
people show up
and for me that was danny
so what is your truth
now that you’ve found your voice by
connecting with what’s inside and what’s
true to you
the next step is to own it now owning
your voice is about
deconnecting from all the external noise
the external permission that people are
seeking
and again giving yourself permission to
speak your truth
now what often happens is this fear of
okay if i want to speak my truth
i must go to battle to defend it this is
not about battling it
there’s one key question you have to ask
because speaking your truth gives you
freedom
but there’s one thing that makes it
truly powerful
and that is asking yourself the question
how can i speak my truth
with compassion because your truth
can be medicine or it can be poison
you see this isn’t about speaking the
truth
this is about speaking your truth there
are over seven billion people in this
planet
seven billion upbringing seven billion
ex-life experiences
7 billion truths and all of them
are right now the fear that comes up
from owning your voice
is not feeling good enough i’ll never
forget my first talk
i was so nervous and it was to a group
of nursing students
i got up there it was a one hour
rambling mess
about my panic attack journey and the
teacher saves me by saying
it’s time for q a i thought oh my gosh
yes i did it
first talk is done it was a success
and then i got my first question so
lucas
now that you’re back in regular society
how do you feel
regular society apparently i looked so
nervous when i was speaking
that the students thought when i
mentioned seeing a psychiatrist that i
had been locked up in a long-term
psychiatric hospital
and giving this talk was part of my
reintegration back into society
needless to say the rest of the talk was
a complete blur
i don’t remember the q a session but
what i do remember was when i got into
my car
every fear every belief that i wasn’t
good enough
every critical voice it hit me like a
tidal wave and i sat there thinking
what the hell am i doing who am i
kidding myself to be i can’t be a
speaker
people think that i’ve been locked up
and this is just my beginning
and i sat there bawling my eyes out
thinking what a failure that i was
and why did i even try going for it
it was at this moment i had a decision
to make either i gave up on my dream and
i just got another job
or i fully committed to my passion to
help people speak their truth
what i learned in that moment was that i
will always have critics
and what’s most important is to tune out
that external noise and go inside
of what is it that i really want to do
and once you do that the next step
is to give yourself permission to put
yourself out there
when you do that that’s where you really
connect and you reinforce
that you are good enough that you
deserve to be heard
that your voice matters
now that you’ve found your voice and
you’re giving yourself permission to
speak your truth
the next step is to amplify it
amplifying your voice is when you give
yourself permission
to share it on a bigger stage now for
some of us
that could be sharing your truth in
every conversation
so that you uplift the people around you
for others we’re on a mission to make a
massive impact in the world
that’s going to be about sharing your
message on a bigger scale
so that you create a ripple effect that
touches the world
now amplifying your voice it only
happens from you making the conscious
decision
to be fully seen and heard look being
fully seen and heard
will bring up fears but these fears are
your invitation
into your next level of leadership and
how you overcome these fears
is about connecting that you are
powerful beyond measure
that your words matter and that when you
speak your truth you
impact change now the one fear that
stops people
from amplifying their voice is the fear
of looking
bad
imagine for a moment that you’re in an
ice cream shop and there’s 30 flavors
as you’re browsing all the options
excited about what you’re going to pick
the first thing you’ll see is that most
the flavors you barely notice
they’re plain they’re boring they just
blend in
then you’re going to notice the flavors
that do stand out both the ones that you
think
yes amazing i love that and others you
go oh gross
who would get that you see these flavors
they’re bold they’re unique they stand
out they elicit either a hell yes or a
hell no reaction but either way they’re
being true to themselves
they’re not afraid to look bad
because they only look bad to the wrong
people
to the right people they are the best
choice to the right people
they’re happy that they had the courage
to put themselves out there
to be chosen so in order to amplify your
voice this is about
you giving yourself permission to put
yourself out there to be seen
to allow yourself to be chosen so
whether it’s in your personal life
your relationships or your business give
yourself the permission
to show these to showcase your flavor
and allow yourself to be chosen
so in order to amplify your voice the
first thing is really connect
that your voice matters and the second
is that you allow yourself to be bold
you do the world a favor when you
showcase your flavor
the third is that when you give yourself
permission to put your voice out there
to amplify it
it gives other people permission to then
speak theirs
so in order to reclaim your voice there
are three steps
number one is find it second is to own
it
and the third is to amplify it this is
more than just you
this is about you putting yourself out
there you being a role model
because every time that you speak your
truth and that you allow yourself to put
yourself out there you are giving other
people permission
and knowledge that they can do it too
you’re making them feel safe
to take that life-changing leap to speak
what they really feel inside
so in store instead of normalizing the
fear of public speaking
let’s create a new normal of speaking
our truth
this is our natural state this is the
freedom
that we deserve this is how we uplift
the world so give yourself permission to
speak
your truth every single day and embrace
that you are a role model and that your
words matter
because the difference between the life
that you tolerate
and the life that you celebrate is when
you reclaim
your voice thank you