What white people can do to move race conversations forward
[Music]
i was facilitating a workshop
on implicit bias to a group which
included law enforcement
there were about 70 participants in the
room most of whom were white
i knew it wasn’t going to be easy
particularly given it was a mandatory
learning opportunity
and the fact that i’m a black woman and
a civilian
wasn’t going to help early on in the
workshop i asked one man how he
identified racially it’s best not to
assume because
you can’t always tell based on the color
of someone’s skin
i’ve made that mistake before
his response american
in that moment i knew he was white
we don’t know how to have healthy
productive conversations about race
racism and race relations in this
country
many white people grow up in towns where
there are very few if any
people of color even those who do grow
up in diverse communities will say
race wasn’t talked about and then there
are those
are taught racism is a thing of the past
so it’s usually not until white people
leave that town
go off to college date a person of color
or join an organization
where they begin talking about race
or even exploring what it means to be
white but parents of color of children
of color tend to talk with their
children about race
most of us can tell you an early
experience
of racism so by the time we become
adults
not only do we understand what it means
to be a person of color in this country
we’re more prepared for the experiences
we’re likely to face
our differences and experiences and what
we’ve been taught
cause white people and people of color
to take very different
approaches to race conversations
people of color will often speak to our
collective experiences
for example black people will use
language like
we us and my people acknowledging
our identities make us a part of a
larger group
white people on the other hand are
encouraged to operate
under colorblind thinking they’ll take
three approaches
that ignore the impact of race on our
daily lives
one common way white people will engage
in race conversations
is the universal approach the universal
approach is when
white people react to racism by saying
we’re all human
we all bleed why do we have to talk
about differences
talking about differences just divide us
talking about differences doesn’t divide
us it’s not acknowledging racism still
exists and not talking about it that
does that
we’re all human we all bleed y’all
before stepping on this stage
i didn’t think to myself i wonder how
many watching
will be human that we’re all human
should be a given speaking universally
does not move
race conversations forward we do need to
keep it as a part of the conversation
because quite frankly we don’t treat
everybody in this country
as if they’re human but that’s not what
race conversations are about
another common way white people will
engage in conversations about race
is the individual approach the
individual approach is when white people
talk about
who they are as individuals
i have children who are asian i work
with someone who’s latino
my best friend is native and my favorite
i don’t care if you’re black purple blue
or green
when you try to hold them accountable
for that thing they said or did
that was offensive these are all
attempts at colorblind thinking
i want to pause here for a moment and
let my white brothers and sisters and
non-binary friends
in on a little secret the moment you
tell a person of color you don’t notice
their race
you’re actually letting them know you
notice their race
i mean think about it when was the last
time you met a white
person and said to them i just want you
to know
i don’t see color colorblind thinking
comes from a good place
when i hear it i think white people are
trying to tell me they’re not racist
they won’t treat me unfairly because of
my race
and they won’t judge me because of our
differences
but what i want to know is why does an
important part of who i
am have to go away in order for you to
do those things
i mean why can’t i be black and you
treat me fairly
work on your bias and become an
anti-racist
colorblind thinking is a part of early
socialization
for white people did you know it’s about
the age of three when children begin to
ask us all those questions when
we realize we’re not as smart as we
thought we were
let’s imagine there’s a white child
she’s three years old riding the bus
she asks her mom mommy why is that man
so chocolate
and the chocolate man can hear her ask
the question he’s not tripping
he knows that when children are curious
they ask questions in this way
who’s he paying attention to the mom
he’s probably thinking i wonder how
she’s going to handle this one
and what do parents do in these moments
when children ask
questions loud enough so the person who
is different can hear
we shush them and what’s the message
that children get not only do they learn
it’s not okay to talk about differences
they get a deeper more damaging message
it’s not okay to be different
then when white children become adults
they’ll say
anything about a person other than their
race
you see that person over there in the
purple hat and blue shoes and green coat
you mean the asian one why didn’t you
just say so
they know they’re asian by the way
a imagine instead of shushing their
children
parents normalized our differences
maybe this mom says to her child honey
people are lots of different colors
she holds out her hand and asks what
color are we
we’re all human we all bleed
but that’s not what race conversations
are about
they’re about the group approach the
group approach is where we become
curious about collective experiences
what’s it like for women to work the
same jobs as men
but get paid less what’s it like for
people to have disabilities
and have to advocate every day for
access to opportunities that others take
for granted
what’s it like to be second third fourth
generation
asian or latino and have people tell you
you speak such good english i met a
woman once who
said when people tell her she speaks
such good english she says to them
thank you you do too
what’s it like to be black brown
indigenous
and be killed by police at much higher
rates
than your white counterparts even
when unarmed
let’s take a look at the black lives
matter movement a group approach
to better understand how these other two
approaches
take us off course preventing us from
moving race conversations forward
a common reaction to black lives matter
is all lives matter
do all lives matter of course they do
and if you’re still contemplating
whether all lives matter
you’re thinking about this way too
deeply
yes all lives matter
another typical reaction to black lives
matter is
blue lives matter do blue lives matter
of course they do
blue lives matter is an example
of the third approach white people take
to race conversations
it reminds me of times when my husband
and i will argue
i’ll tell him something he does that
bothers me
he’ll defend himself by saying well what
about when you do
and he’ll start listing off all these
things that i do
that bother him but have nothing to do
with what i was trying to bring to his
attention
this takes the focus away from my
concern
and places it on his
listen i can’t imagine
what it would be like to have a job that
was so
dangerous every time i left for work i
didn’t know if i would ever see my
family again
but the saying blue lives matter
wouldn’t exist
if it wasn’t for black lives matter it
is a reaction to
the black lives matter movement and it
is another
group black people were never
questioning
whether blue lives matter nor were we
suggesting
that all police are bad in fact blue
lives matter
fails to recognize that black people
also have loved ones in our lives
who are in law enforcement and besides
people are not born blue
the black lives matter movement is about
structural racism
if we are ever going to effectively
address race
racism and race relations in this
country
it means we must also talk about what it
means to be
white our white brothers and sisters and
non-binary friends struggle with this
they’re not used to looking at
themselves as a part of a racial group
if you are white one way you can assess
whether taking the group approach to
race conversations
is difficult for you examine how you
felt
hearing me say white people 15
times throughout this talk and i’m not
even finished yet
you may have thought to yourself i’m not
like that
why is she trying to make us feel guilty
for being white
or maybe you shifted the focus to your
own marginalized group
what she needs to be talking about is
gender equality
poverty is the real issue what about
disabilities nobody seems to be talking
about that
or maybe you went to your relationships
i dated a black guy
as proof you’re not like one of those
white people
i’ve been talking about
this in part is what it means to have
white
privilege the individual white you
is innocent until you prove yourself
guilty
people of color rarely get to be seen as
individuals
we are guilty until we prove ourselves
innocent when white people go to the
universal
to the individual or deflect the
conversation
to another group experience they’re
actually colluding
with racism the conversation becomes
about whether all lives matter
how your one friend is all the proof you
need to discredit
an entire group’s experience or how the
lives
of police matter too
all the while when it comes to black
brown and indigenous people
people are shooting first and asking
questions later
and i mean that figuratively and
literally
john t williams brianna taylor
ahmad aubry george floyd
elijah mcclain jacob blake
william green
mike ramos we’re all
guilty first
their race a threat the given of their
humanity
disregarded ignored forgotten
their individualism negated
dismantling structural racism means we
must
acknowledge it exists
talk about the impact on the lives of
people of color work together
to pull it apart piece by piece
but that won’t happen as long as our
white brothers and sisters and
non-binary
friends aren’t willing to admit race
matters
so what can white people do
deconstruct how you’ve been socialized
and
reconstruct a new way of being
rather than seeing differences as
negative or pretending you don’t notice
at all
recognize that it is our differences
that make
america great
become aware of your bias acknowledge
your whiteness
and the privileges it holds
take the time to learn about diverse
group experiences
and listen and believe the stories we
tell you
learn to become comfortable with the
discomfort
lean into it feel it
wonder where it’s coming from
unpack institutional systemic
and structural racism
and then join us in taking action
to advocate for change
because yes we’re all human
and yes we all bleed
that’s why black lives matter
thank you