How I found my voice through feminism
[Music]
when i was 21
i was physically assaulted
i was wrestled down to the ground and
choked
three dirty fingers were thrust down my
throat
and they scratched until i could not
scream
nothing prepares you for such an
experience
i still remember where i was
and what i was wearing
i remember the colors on the wall the
smell of the place
and the look on the faces of the people
who hurt me
i’ve always been a big girl in size so
lying in a
fetal position on a strange floor
was something i would never have
imagined for myself
i asked myself how something that i
just hear about could be happening to
someone like me
even though the people who hurt me were
strangers
we got engrossed in a battle
that took over most of my life and those
closest to me
people always say i have a very bubbly
personality
so i continued to live
to smile and to simply exist
but people did not know that under all
the jokes and laughs
was a young woman who was still trapped
in her misfortune
now 2017 saw the rise of the metoo
movement
spotlight was shared on harvey weinstein
a top hollywood executive who was
accused of harassing
so many women most of the people who
came
up and spoke against him were top
hollywood stars
i resonated with the with the me too
movement
because i still had not found a voice to
share my experience
looking at all the famous women on stage
all the famous women
coming out speaking against him i asked
myself a question
if women coming from privilege
have been unable to share their stories
until now
what more women like me
where do we take our stories
where do we share our pain
is there a need for us to come together
and create a platform
where our voices could be heard
taking into account my inability to
voice out my pain
i closely followed the movement
women who were leading the discussions
were feminists
and as a woman who has proudly
identified herself as a feminist
i decided that feminism would be the
right vehicle
that would channel my story
i got all that energy and finally i
decided to create
zambian feminists on facebook
zambian feminist is an online platform
and blog
over the years we have managed to reach
women
in zambia and also other parts of the
continent
with almost 40 000 followers and a
monthly reach of
over a hundred thousand people we
have successfully created a community
that is not limited by wars
through the page i’ve managed to reach
so
many people from so many parts of the
country
the first thing i decided to do was
write about my own experience as a
survivor of physical assault
it was something that i had never yet
publicly spoken about
this is because i still had unresolved
issues with my pain
and resolved issues with the experience
and the fact that i knew
i did not get the justice i deserved
so i decided to write about my
disappointment
my anger and the fact that i had no
control over something
these people decided to do to me
i put all that into words and put it on
the internet
i was amazed by the responses i got
so many women from different parts of
the country
also had a story to tell a story
just like my own for the first time
i did not feel alone
i was amazed
by the responses but i realized that as
much as people resonated with me
they were still afraid to share their
own stories
culture plays a huge role in how women
decide to share their stories
taboos and societal expectations hold
women back
i realized then that there’s so much
more to discuss than just harassment
i also felt that we need to address the
pain that
many women go through pain that cannot
be displayed
picture this molenga is a young woman
she’s riding in the back seat of the car
next to her is a bag of unused baby
clothes
she’s too tired and sore to talk
in the front seat of the car is
mulenga’s husband
driving and on the passenger side
is mulenga’s mother awkward silence
pierces the car
as they are stuck in lusaka rush hour
traffic
mulenga gave birth to a stillborn baby
boy
no christ came from the baby to announce
his arrival into the world
instead of excitement fear engulfed her
as the baby was taken away from the body
it had called home for nine months
traditionally still born babies
do not count so early in the morning
the matriarchs of mulenga’s family came
and got the baby
and buried him in an undisclosed
location
she never got to say goodbye she never
got to hold the baby
and from the time that it happened she
had been encouraged to
just be strong
she was going back home to an empty nest
while her entire body was still in
mother mode
writing about mulenga gave me the
opportunity to highlight the silent pain
that many women
in our country go through mulenga
represents our mothers
she represents our sisters our cousins
and even our friends
after i posted that story online i
received
so many responses from many women who
had experienced
that loss that heartbreak
you cannot define or describe
many women got the opportunity through
the comment section on facebook
to describe their loss to describe their
pain
and for some they took the opportunity
to finally
name the babies they had lost
storytelling is my medium of choice
through a feminist perspective
i believe that for us to bring
change that is sustainable we need to
get
comfortable with being uncomfortable we
need
to discuss those stories that make
people feel uncomfortable and uneasy in
their seats
we need to show that culture plays a
huge role
in how we show ourselves to the world in
how we present our identities
i decided that maybe we should push it a
little bit further
and write something that i knew my
mother would probably not be
proud of so i decided
let’s talk about labia elongation and
how
many women in our country have gone
through it
but many are still afraid to talk about
it
labia elongation happens to so many
women in zambia
and across africa writing about it made
me feel
so scared i felt like i was
writing about something so sacred in
taboos i was worried that the ancestors
would come and strike me on my computer
but it happens to so many women and it
is an
open secret that is passed on from one
generation
to the other me not writing about it
would be failing the younger girls
coming
in our footsteps younger girls who still
do not
understand their bodies and the fact
that what we choose to do with our
bodies
must be solely left to us as women
i believe that every young girl deserves
that option
by staying silent on things that affect
us
we deny people who are hurting the
privilege to speak
out women who have had problems
conceiving
women who are unable to hurt their
babies
women who do not understand their bodies
know their sexualities
we need to get comfortable with being
uncomfortable i’m always being
told that feminism is a man-hating
machine
that it is there to make women feel
bigger than men
that what happens to women also happens
to men
i’m always being told that maybe i’m
practicing it wrongly
it is very an african
or maybe i should just leave it to the
white women
but feminism is about reclaiming a voice
that is silenced
before it is heard it is about standing
in the spotlight
and using your truth to reach many women
who are going through the same
exact problem you might be going it is
about
breaking down patriarchal structures
that benefit a select
few feminism is about reclaiming your
voice as a woman
reclaiming your experience and
reclaiming
your pride we need to create platforms
that will be there for many women to
feel counted
heard and appreciated we need to create
platforms where women can talk about
their
experience and highlight the issues and
struggles they’ve had
involving physical and sexual assault
we need to encourage women and also men
to look at themselves look at our
culture
look it in the eye and dare to ask
dare to question dare to challenge
and dare to be different we need to get
comfortable with being uncomfortable
when i was 21
i was physically assaulted but
when i was 31 i finally
found my voice
[Music]
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