Mental Health is declining and Black women are hit the hardest
[Music]
imagine running a marathon
a whopping 26.2 miles
on the rockiest planes and the
blistering heat
to make it across the finish line in
here great job
now do it again tomorrow you would look
at them puzzled while on the verge of
passing out
but yet somehow you run another marathon
the next day
this time your legs are cramping your
body is fatigued
and as you hobble across the finish line
you hear awesome job
now do it again gasping for air you
reply
i’m so tired
and ever so smoothly you hear that’s
okay
just push through
this is what black women hear all the
time
as they continue to take on more
responsibilities
with less help at the destruction of
their mental
and physical health in 2016
i received my doctorate and right before
this huge undertaking
i graduated the year before with my
masters
i thought about taking a break in
between my programs
yet i insisted upon pushing through
while working full time as a counselor
managing quality time with my husband
and raising our two young babies it was
a lot to cope with to say the least yet
i persisted and pushed through at one
cohort meetup
i was exhausted drained tired and
discouraged
with teary eyes i mustered up enough
courage to be vulnerable
and open up about how difficult it’s
been to juggle
all this purpose on my plate and this
plate was piled
high kids husband job
school church community
immediately my professor and peers
chimed in and replied
you got this keita this is no sweat
you’ll be
fine it’s normal you got that black girl
magic
they gave me motivation
or was it motivation is the process of
stimulating people to actions to
accomplish their goals
stimulating another towards a particular
goal
is not merely with pom-poms and football
slogans and cheer
but rather taking time to listen
to what that person is saying offer
empathy
followed by support based on their needs
afterwards the only thing that i was
stimulated to do
was run to my mother lay on her bosom
and at 30 something years old cry myself
to sleep
their words gave me minimal motivation
and left me empty
and with the only option to resort to
what black women know how to do
which is push through
having a heart to push is admirable
yet it cannot be the only thing that
defines you
white women for years have seen
themselves as the hero
and also the damsel in distress in
hollywood
growing up i never saw the media portray
a black woman being rescued and taken
care of
i never even saw a black woman feel
comfortable enough
to cry out for help when can we cry
feel soft and gentle
awkward even weird
black women need room to make mistakes
and receive support without judgment
i value being strong but no one person
is one thing i am strong
and i also have a mental health disorder
at the tender year of 11 my father died
suddenly
and his passing triggered a series of
mental health issues that i would later
face
and suppress to cope with the heartache
inner rage and turmoil i began to
pull my hair directly from my scalp
to some this can sound scary and
freakish
but for me it was a sense of release
from this dark
world that would send the grim reaper to
take my father away
too soon i pulled my hair when i was
anxious
i began to pull my hair when i was
overwhelmed and yet
every day would walk out of the house
and off to class
as if i was the most confident woman on
the planet
no one knew that i was hurting
everyone saw me as strong
after a while i noticed patches in my
head from excessive pulling
and felt ashamed and defeated
bald spots on your head are not exactly
a fashion statement as i grew older
i researched my condition and realize i
had a repetitive behavior disorder
called trichotillomania oh don’t worry
it took me a while to say it as well
my mom taught me to cover up my mental
illness with hairstyles that mask my
bald spots
yet with no treatment in the form of a
therapist
support group or even a safe person
to share these experiences with
i learned to cover it up and push
through black women are strong
i’ll just get over it eventually the
research with black women
and pulling is so minimal that medical
experts cannot even report
how many black women have this hair
pulling disorder
yet for white men and women studies show
that
one or two out of 50 people have
trichotillomania
black women do not receive the mental
health treatment
that they deserve due to cultural
implications and a
long myth that continues to spread
you know what it is right the myth that
black women are
only strong we can push through at
all times but it leaves room for no
error
if we continue to push through without
the support from family
medical professionals and our employers
we’re going to continue to break down
mentally and physically
we we
we are in a state of emergency
where the mental health of americans is
declining and
black women and women of color are hit
the hardest blacks are more likely to
have feelings of sadness
hopelessness and worthlessness than
adult whites
serious mental illness rose among
all black people between 2008
and 2018. it seems our strength is
valued
but not our humanity when i wrote my
latest book
success and censored a high achiever’s
guide to defining success on your own
terms
i went into a state of deep depression
due to the amount of pressure i was
under in my coaching business
as well as the demanding book publishing
deadline
when i shared my struggles with other
professionals
the only words that i received
were statements such as you’re so strong
if anybody can do it a black woman can
she’s strong why did my blackness
make me stronger in their eyes why was
that trait exemplified
over others i remember working on a big
corporate contract facilitating
leadership trainings
and as i shared the process with one of
my white friends
her immediate response was shish
you’re so strong black women teach me
how to get
it done i know
it sounds like a compliment until you
realize it’s a pattern stemming back to
colonialism and slavery
as black women were responsible for
running their own homes
feeding their own children all while
taking care of white families
assisting them with their organizational
structure
and child rearing black women
are double minorities tackling race
and gender inequities which leaves us
involved in the middle of
most of the injustices that our
nation faces listen
we are not stronger by choice but
stronger by default
because our choices in the past if you
want to know where to choose strength
or death i don’t want you
to be another professional employer
or staff member oblivious to the trauma
and pain
that your fellow black employees
partners
and friends are facing i want to give
you
tips to successfully engage with a black
woman
and offer support to the black woman in
times of need
we must move past exploiting our
strength
and transition into respecting
appreciating and cultivating the
totality
of the black woman implementing these
diversity and inclusion principles
in any work setting or community will
provide the support
that black women need as well as all
people of color in such a fast-paced
society
we must slow down to see the people
around us
for who they are not the stereotypes
that have been placed
upon them from your place of business
to your place of worship alley oop
workshops are essential
so listen i’m a huge basketball fan i
mean from the miami heat
to the la lakers and in basketball
they have something called an alley-oop
an offensive play
in which one player throws the ball near
the basket to a teammate
jumps catches the ball in the midair and
slam dunks it before touching the ground
the player intentionally created an
opportunity for his competent teammate
to make a shot
which is not only a win for the player
but a win for the team
this basketball term has been
incorporated into the continuous
practice
of advancing a culture of inclusion
through intentional positive and
conscious actions
that benefit others this is one of the
most impactful ways
individuals can contribute to equitable
inclusive organizations one must learn
how to be an effective ally in the
workplace
through everyday interactions in the
moment
interventions and ongoing
advocacy we also need something else
unconscious bias workshops
in order to dismantle the stereotype and
mistreatment
of black women and all women of color
implicit bias must be addressed
such as only seeing black women as
strong
do you know what that ends up doing it
subconsciously prevents you
from offering real assistance if you
think the black woman’s okay
but she’s not and lastly
listening circles are needed a truly
inclusive culture
is one where employees can vocalize
their lived
experiences both at work and
outside of it and feel seen
heard respected and valued
it’s time to have a community that is
willing to be
uncomfortable for the greater good
uncomfortable conversations
uncomfortable times of reflection and
uncomfortable times
of self-awareness listen
you can’t help what you don’t see and we
must see
the black woman learn about the black
woman
support the black woman and stop
exploiting her strength for our own
personal
gain yes
i am strong i’m proud of my strength
i’m also loving
kind sweet
gentle passionate
brilliant i can keep going you know
creative and most importantly
human activist jesse williams said it
best
just because we’re magic doesn’t mean
that we’re not real i spent
several years hiding my hair pulling
disorder
suppressing my pain in public and
perpetuating the strong
black woman stigma but that has stopped
i realized that it has been my willpower
that has gotten me from one finish line
to the next
but it will take more than my will power
to finish strong
i am currently training for a half
marathon
and as a running circle of influence
continues to increase
i’ve gained more insight into several
styles
of races i was enamored
by something called the ragnar racist i
said what’s that
ragnar races are about doing something
together
that you could never do alone teams of
up to 12
run the 200 plus mile relay style
from start to finish however
black women are currently running 200
plus
miles alone off of sheer willpower
and in order to go far you cannot do it
alone
which one of you will join the black
woman
as we run this collective race called
life
to provide a mentally healthy and
inclusive environment
for all let’s run this race
as one